


And I Will Try to Fix You

by ThisBeautifulChaos



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Enemies to Lovers, First Love, Fluff, Football, M/M, Miniminter - Freeform, Miniminter and Behzinga friendship, Smut, Sort of hate but sort of love, Zerkaa - Freeform, minizerk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 01:32:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7461315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisBeautifulChaos/pseuds/ThisBeautifulChaos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His heart is so tight he feels as if his chest is going to cave in. Every single feeling he felt at the beginning of the year is back and is intensified by a thousand, because at the beginning of the year he didn’t know what Josh smelt like, he didn’t know his eyes were more green than blue or that his favorite food was pasta. He didn’t know Josh could draw or that he was clumsy despite the fact he was great at football, he didn’t know Josh had so much pain inside of him.</p><p>AU where Simon and Josh hate each other but kind of don’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Will Try to Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, this is my second story with the sidemen. Feedback is much appreciated and encouraged :)  
> This is a work of fiction. A few names have been changed, and everything in this is from my imagination, and not from real events. Also this work is mine, if you wish to repost it on a different site, please let me know.  
> I hope you all enjoy :)
> 
> Song for this story: Fix you by Coldplay

“You’re drooling.” Ethan says to his best friend Simon Minter as they’re sitting on the bleachers looking onto the field as the football team runs their drills. Their shirts wet with sweat and skin glistening in the evening sun. 

“I’m not.” Simon mumbles averting his eyes away from the running boys and onto the slowly setting sun behind the trees. 

“When are you going to get over this stupid crush so we can stop sitting out here for hours after school.” Ethan grumbles, adjusting himself on the hard bleachers. 

“I don’t have a crush.” Simon grumbles, letting his eyes slide back to the one person Ethan was talking about. The reason they sit out here, butts numb from the hard metal and the light chill from the early September weather. He feels bad for dragging Ethan here every day just to watch a bunch of sweaty boys kick balls at each other, but he can’t help it. It is the only way for him to blatantly stare at Josh Bradley without him noticing. Besides, the cheerleaders are right next to the players on the sideline practicing as well, something that usually keeps Ethan occupied. 

“Thought you didn’t mind coming along with me.” Simon scoffs, but keeps the small grin on his face. When the school year started Simon had no idea this was where he was going to be spending his free time. He didn’t even know he had feelings for Josh. All he knew is that Josh made him feel like he was nauseous yet warm all at the same time. He can’t quite pin point when the feelings started, but they happened around the third week of school. They never had any classes together until this year. Maybe that’s why Simon had never noticed him before. He knew of him, of course, but they’ve never spoken. Simon was shit at football and barely had any friends besides Ethan and this kid Vik who usually bums rides off him. Basically what he’s trying to say is that he is invisible at this school, and he doesn't he really mind it. He’s on scholarship and has to keep his grades up if he wants any chance of getting a scholarship for university next fall.  The rest of the kids at this school, however, have wealthy parents who give them two Range Rovers in case they crash their other one. Only a couple of other kids are on scholarship like Simon, Vik being one of them. Ethan’s family is rich, which is good for Ethan because he isn’t the smartest pumpkin in the patch. He’s funny though, and buys Simon lunch and coffee a lot, not to mention he doesn’t care that Simon is gay and in love with another boy. They started hanging out freshman year. His stepfather got a new job, causing them to move, making Simon the new kid while everyone else knew each other since kindergarten. He had never felt more out of place then he did that day.

The first time he saw Ethan, Simon was sitting in the boy’s toilets, eating his bagged lunch and trying not to be found. A couple of boys dragged Ethan into the bathroom and stuck his head in the toilet, then gave him a few good punches to the nose. When they were finished they left him there crying as they slammed the door in his face laughing. I watched through the crack in the stall as he stared at himself in the mirror, tears slowly filling his eyes. Simon’s paper bag fell to floor causing it to crinkle. Ethan turned around rapidly and let out a gasp. Frightened, Simon put his legs up, hugging them close to his chest, hoping to not be spotted.

“Who’s there?” Ethan had said, banging on all of the other stalls, the doors banging against the walls as they flew open. When Ethan banged on Simon's and it didn’t budge, he asked again.

“Who the fuck is in there.” 

Simon held his breath and didn’t answer, just clutched his knees closer to his chest.

“Listen you shit, if you don’t come out, I’ll make you come out.”

Very slowly Simon put his feet on the ground and unlocked the stall door. Ethan threw it open and was met with a lanky boy with wide blue eyes, looking terrified. 

“Who are you?” He asked, wiping the blood from his nose onto the sleeve of his white shirt. 

“I’m Si-Simon.” He said, standing slowly and making his way out of the stall. Ethan was a bigger kid who looked like he could break Simon with only a look.

“I’ll take it you’re new here.” 

“That obvious?” Simon said softly. Ethan walked towards him and Simon cowered back, hoping the kid didn’t think he was being sarcastic. Instead he stopped in front of him and held out his blood stained hand.

“I’m Ethan.” He said, giving Simon’s hand a firm shake. He nodded and tried to ignore the blood that now lingered on him, Ethan noticed.

“Don’t mind them wankers, they think it’s funny to pick on kids shorter then them, you should be just fine though.” He said with a smirk, once again wiping his nose on his shirtsleeve. Simon let out a small laugh.

“What are you doing eating alone here in the bathroom?” 

“I-“ He tried to think of a good excuse but his mind was left blank. “I don’t know anyone.” He said honestly.

“Well,” Ethan shrugged, “now you know me, come on. I’ll buy you a pudding.” He said wetting a paper towel and cleaning off his face, not caring about his bloody shirtsleeve. He left the bathroom without another word, holding the door open for Simon. 

“You coming or not, blondy?” He asked when Simon hesitated. Eventually he nodded and they made their way to the cafeteria together. Simon knew on that day that he would never have to be lonely anymore.

 “I don’t mind, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Ethan says, sliding his sunglasses down his nose to wink at a girl on the squad, she rolls her eyes and turns away. 

“Why would I hurt myself?” He asks, but he already knows the answer. He already knows because they’ve already had this conversation, and it went something like this:

“I have absolutely no idea why I like him… I just feel like… Every time I see him, I just want to grab him and shove him against a wall.” Simon sighed loudly, biting the tip of his pencil. 

“And like, hit him, or make out with him?” Ethan asked back, pretending to actually work on the group paper they had been assigned in English. They were sat in the back of the classroom, isolated from the rest of the class, exactly how they wanted it. 

“I don’t know… both, maybe?” He groaned, closing his eyes and frowning. He didn’t know what he wanted. 

“Why are you doing this to yourself, mate?” Ethan had asked, looking at him with big concerned eyes, “He’s got a girlfriend, Si, and he’s popular, why him of all people.” And that was the million-dollar question, and Simon couldn’t answer it. He didn’t know if it was the blue-green eyes or the dark hair and scruff. He didn’t know if it was the long legs or soft pale skin. He just didn’t fucking know, okay? 

“I know, Ethan, okay. I know, it’s just.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I just like him.”

“Talk to him then.” 

Simon openly scoffed at him and opened his computer. He started writing out his name and the title of the assignment. Maybe if he ignored the situation it would go away. Hey, he could wish. 

“Just… don’t do anything stupid, okay?” Ethan had said then, his voice gentle. 

“Like what?” 

“Like out yourself to the whole fucking school. You want to be the kid on scholarship and a queer?” 

Simon knew Ethan wasn’t trying to be a dick, and he also knew he was right. He liked being isolated from everybody else; no one really knew him and he didn’t do anything that could cause people to talk about him anyway. He was just a shadow ghosting through the hallways, casting a lone gust of air as he made his way past, just the way he liked.

“They start football practice after school you know.” Simon mumbled, staring at the blank document in front of him, just his name appearing in small font, the cursing blinking back and forth at him. 

“Yeah… and?” Ethan raised his eyebrow, but Simon ignored him. Just continued staring at the blinking curser. That evening they went to the first practice. Now, a month later, it’s almost a regular thing. It feels weird when they don’t go. Like if it gets rained out or if Ethan has to pick up his little brother from school. 

“Si, we’ve had this conversation, yeah?” He says, using his thumb to scroll through his phone.

“Yeah, about a thousand times.” 

“You know I read online if you have a crush on someone for more than 6 months it means you’re in love.” He says then, looking at Simon and smirking.

“It’s only been a month, fuck wit.” Simon murmurs back, noticing how Josh’s back muscles look through his tight gray shirt he was practicing in, the back saying Bradley and his number, which was 3. You can just see the outline of his shoulder blades as he runs. 

“Okay, prick, I’m just saying… We’re gonna have to wait and see.” Ethan says, watching the team with a scoff. “Who the fuck knew you were into jocks.” He adds a moment later. 

Simon lets out a small laugh as he continues watching, his eyes slowly lingering to the girls’ practicing their cheers. Hair tied up into high ponytails and short shorts going up their arses. His gaze wanders to Freya, Josh’s girlfriend. If this was a cheesy romance movie, Josh and Freya would be the perfect couple who wins prom king and queen and get married and have a perfect little life and family. By the looks of how things are going, however, this just might be a cheesy romance movie. Freya is beautiful, anyone with eyes could see that. Her hair is pulled up into a loose french braid and her professionally whitened teeth are on display as she raises her arms up to show the squad how to do the cheer. She’s the captain of the cheerleading team, funnily enough, Josh is the captain of the football team.  _They were just made for each other, weren’t they?_  Simon thinks smugly from the bleachers. 

“I think I’m gonna bang Taylor.” Ethan says then, watching as she laughs and twirls along with the other girls. She has dark brown hair and light eyes, a splattering of freckles littering her cheeks. 

Simon snorts, “Okay, and when are you going to do that?”

“Dunno, haven’t decided yet.” He shrugs. 

“Ookay, mate, whatever you say.” Simon rolls his eyes playfully, turning his attention back to Josh who was taking a drink of water. 

“Oi, don’t be a fuckin’ hypocrite.” Ethan mumbles from beside him.

“Meaning?” 

“Meaning, you sit here saying how you wanna get with Josh and I never once have told you it couldn’t happen, yet when I say I wanna get with Taylor it’s all ‘oh, whatever you say, mate.” He mimics, crossing his arms against his chest. 

Simon laughs again, “Yeah, but I have a better chance of getting with every player on the football team then you do with Taylor.” He smirks then, seeing Ethan dirty look him. 

“Shut up, Miniminter.” Ethan scoffs. Simon cringes at the nickname Ethan gave him sophomore year. They were talking about their dicks (hey, guys do that) and Ethan thought that Miniminter was just soooo hilarious and it stuck. 

“We’re gonna fight, mate.” Simon says. Suddenly, Ethan is grabbing him by the neck and putting him in chock hold. He tousles his hair and tightens his grip, it doesn’t hurt though, the only thing Simon can do is laugh and try to wiggle out of his embrace. Some girls on the cheerleading team notice and they start giggling. Ethan lets go of Simon and smirks at them.

“Hello ladies, anything I can do for you on this fine day?” Ethan asks them, puckering his lips and sending them air kisses. Some of the younger girls turn red, while the seniors, Taylor being one of them, roll their eyes.

“Actually, there is something you can do for us.” Freya’s voice chimes in, “You can stop playing around with your boyfriend and let us practice.” 

Simon reddens as Ethan throws an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer. 

“As sad as it is, I am completely 100% into women. So hit me up anytime, ladies. Taylor.” He nods and she rolls her eyes once again. “Especially you, my queen.” He blows another kiss, she makes a disgusting face at him and turns away along with Freya and the other cheerleaders. They start their cheer again. 

Simon pulls Ethan’s arm off from around his shoulders, “Kind of ironic how I’m the gay one.” He murmurs earning another tackle from Ethan. 

Practice ends and Simon starts gathering his things, packing up his binder and his pencils. The rest of the boys head to the locker room, but Josh lingers back, walking over to Freya and giving her a kiss. She smiles and leans into the embrace. Simon feels a ping of jealousy shoot through him. Ethan notices him tense up.

“Come on Si, let’s go.” He throws his bag over his shoulder and together they make their way across the parking lot to Ethan’s car. He takes him to school most of the time. Simon’s family only has two cars. He shares one with his mother and the other is his stepfather’s, no one is allowed to drive his stepdads car. His older brother Nick is away at Uni and Simon’s stepdad… well…. he doesn’t really like to talk about his stepfather. Only the fact that at home they ignore each other’s existence, despite his mother’s pleas for them to talk. They never do. 

Simon goes to throw his bag in the car when he realizes he left his jacket on the bleachers. 

“Shit, I forgot my jacket.” He then tells Ethan who nods and says he’ll wait for him to get back. Simon jogs slowly back to the field that is now empty, expect for one girl packing up, the sky casting a pretty pink and orange glow. He spots his jacket as well as Freya. She is gathering her bag and putting on her own jacket. Her back is towards him and she doesn’t notice him walking over. When his foot hits the bleachers however, she turns. 

“Oh Simon!” She jumps slightly then laughs, “You scared me.” She smiles easily at him. Simon blushes some.

“Sorry.” He mumbles walking up the bleachers and grabbing his jacket that was sitting exactly where he’d left it. 

“It’s fine,” She says and Simon thinks it’s the end of the conversation… apparently, he was wrong.

“Why are you friends with that Ethan kid?” She asks suddenly and Simon’s eyebrows knit in confusion. What does Ethan have to do with anything? And more importantly why would Freya even ask a question like that? 

“I’m not sure I understand what you're asking.” He says, putting his jacket on as an evening breeze hits him, making him shiver. 

Freya rolls her eyes, but smiles, “I mean you just seem so different from him.”

Simon is still confused. He didn’t even know Freya knew his name, let alone wondered why he didn’t have any other friends. She is one of the hottest girls in school and here she is having a conversation with Simon about his friend group. 

“What do you mean I’m different?” He asks, turning a slight shade of pink and wanting to end wherever this was going. He liked Ethan, hell he was the only one who took Simon in and made him feel wanted. Ethan was basically everything to him and sure he had his quirks, but so does everyone.

She smiles again and Simon wonders if she ever gets sick of it… looking like she’s happy all the time. No one is happy all the time. It’s not humanly possible. 

“You know,” She shrugs, and another goddamn smile. “You’re shy and quiet and Ethan is loud and…” She pauses, putting a finger to her lip, “out there…” She grabs his wrist suddenly and Simon stares at her hand as if it’s on fire. What the hell is this?

“And you’re pretty handsome.” She adds a moment later. Simon averts his eyes from her wrist to her big blue eyes, so open and endearing. He bites his lip unable to respond. 

“I should go…” He says, taking a step back, finally being able to breathe again. “Ethan’s waiting for me.” He mumbles a moment later.

Freya just smiles at him again, her whiter than Ethan’s dancing teeth staring right back at him. “Of course, just… If you ever wanna hang out or whatever, meet some new people just… text me.” 

Simon nods awkwardly, stepping back again but stumbling over his own lanky limbs. She giggles at him and he turns around, blushing deeply as he walks back to Ethan’s car, wondering what the hell just happened.  _Text me._  Simon didn’t even have Freya’s number. 

He makes his way back to Ethan’s car and throws his bag and climbs in. 

“Took you long enough,” Ethan scoffs, putting his car in drive and leaving the school’s lush grounds. He turns the radio on low, a nice melody filling the car. Simon doesn’t respond, just picks an invisible piece of lint off his jacket. He debates telling Ethan about his conversation with Freya but decides against it. As if it were ever going to happen again. 

“Don’t be upset, mate.” Ethan says a moment later from the drivers seat, he must have mistaken Simon’s silence as him being sad, which in a way, he wasn’t necessarily wrong. They pull up to a red light and Ethan turns to face him, his eyes sad.

“I’m not upset.” He grumbles not wanting to have this conversation anymore. He doesn’t know what else to say about it. The thought of him liking Josh is terrifying to him; always wanting what you can’t have.

“Yes you are.” Ethan says driving again once the light turns green. He curses under his breath at the car in front of them that is driving slowly. He puts on his blinker and passes them, shaking his head. “I saw the way you looked at Freya and Josh after practice, don’t think for one minute I didn’t.” 

“Don’t know what you're on about, mate.” Simon says leaning his head against the window, suddenly feeling warm. He didn’t want Ethan mentioning it anymore, nor did he want to think about it. 

“So you’re in denial, great.” He grumbles and Simon shoots him an annoyed look.

“I’m not in denial Ethan, I just don’t know what else you want me to say about it.” He says, cracking the window a bit, allowing the cold air to hit his forehead. 

“Yes you are…” Ethan says again but Simon just ignores him. He doesn’t feel like picking a fight with Ethan right now. He just wants to stop the tight feeling in his chest every time he thinks about a certain brunette, blue eyed boy. 

“I think we should stop going to his practices.” Ethan says a moment later and Simon shakes his head. 

“I thought you liked watching the cheerleaders.” Simon mumbles, a frown forming on his lips.

“I do, but I don’t like seeing you moping and pinning for some arsehole who wouldn’t even give you the time of day.” He scoffs, flipping through the radio stations rapidly. 

“Have you even spoken to Josh?” He asks incredulously, getting kind of pissed that Ethan is judging Josh when he doesn’t even really know him. 

“Don’t have to mate, I know the type. In bio, I got paired with one of the other players on the team, you know Harry, right? Yeah, well let’s just say that all he talked about the whole time we were dissecting was all the girls he’s hooked up with and how drunk he gets on the weekends. Trust me, you don’t want to get involved with the footie team, they’re bad news.” He says.

“I know.” Simon says quietly wanting more then anything to end the conversation. He didn’t want nor did he honestly need any one else telling him that he was just hurting himself by having a hopeless crush on Josh. God, now his life sounds like a cheesy romance movie. 

The rest of the ride is silent, besides Ethan singing obnoxiously loud to the radio. Eventually they pull up to Simon’s house and say their goodbyes, Ethan promising to see him tomorrow at school. Simon waves as he watches Ethan’s car disappear down the street. He then walks into his house and is met with his dog, Ben. Yeah, yeah, Ben is such a boring dog name, but in Simon’s defense, he’s had him since he was 4 and his brother gave him the name, not Simon.

“Hi bean.” He says, bending down and rubbing behind the dog’s ear. He smiles as Ben follows him into the kitchen. He pulls out a glass and fills it with water, he drinks the glass in one, satisfied, he fills it again and makes his way to his room, but not before he hears his mum call his name from the other room.

“Yes, mum?” He asks, walking into the living room where she and his stepdad are sitting, a black and white movie playing on silent in front of them. His mum has an old blanket thrown around her. It’s so worn there are little hole patches all around it. They’ve had it since Simon was little, he used to take it with him everywhere, even to school. Simon used to wonder why his mum kept it all these years, with it being raggedy and old. He gets it now. Seeing her with it thrown around her legs makes him smile sadly, right now he wouldn’t mind going back to being little, when everything was so simple.

“How was your study group?” She asks, smiling sincerely at him, her eyes tired and sleepy. A cup of tea grasped tightly in her tiny hands. He slides his eyes over to his stepfather, Alan, who has refused to look up from the iPad sitting on his thigh, an E-book opened in front of him. He uses one finger and turns the page. He is a big man, with strong arms and a thick gray beard. His eyebrows are constantly knitted together and he always looks as if he’s angry. Simon has no idea what his mum sees in him. They were so different. Simon was a spitting image of his mother, both with blond hair and blue eyes. His brother Nick, looking more like their father, with darker eyes and hair. Simon's real father died when he was 5. His mum married Alan four years ago and let me tell you, Simon was not happy. Not one bit. But it was okay though, because Alan didn’t seem to like Simon either. At first they would fight, petty comments that would slowly boil into screaming matches on who could be the loudest. Simon usually won. Now, though, it’s just silent. He almost misses the fighting and the yelling, at least there would be something happening. He wouldn’t have to feel so numb and alone. 

“Uh, good.” He nods, avoiding her eyes. He told his mum him and Ethan were part of a study group after school, he couldn’t tell her they were watching the footie practices almost daily. She would start asking questions. Why are you there? Are you joining the team? Do you have a girlfriend? Questions that he had no interest in answering. 

“That’s good, sweetheart.” She smiles at him sadly and turns back to the film. Without another word Simon makes his way to his room. He kicks off his shoes and smiles as Ben puts his head on his thigh. He pets him again and pulls out his notebook and starts doing his calculus, but calculus is boring and he gets distracted easily. He opens up Facebook and finds himself once again on Josh’s page. His profile picture is him and Freya smiling happily in their homecoming outfits. He slides over to the next page and sees an old picture of Josh, it’s a seflie and he’s got a snapback on, no beard with a baby face. The picture was dated three years ago. He keeps scrolling through the pictures he’s already seen so many times. Family vacations, birthdays, group photos of the football team, more Freya, his grandma. Normal, sweet, innocent. Simon sighs closing his laptop and leaning his head on his hands. He gives up on his homework and decides that sleep is the best way to solve his problems… At least for a little while.

+++

“You know I’ve never been to a football practice before.” Vik chimes from beside him. The weather was getting warmer so more people have been coming to watch, usually freshman girls who like to stare at the football players. Simon wants to think of them as pathetic, but he can’t because well… look at him. 

Today Vik decided to join them. Well Ethan kind of forced him to join them. They were all walking to Chemistry, the only class all three of them have together and Ethan was complaining about having to go to another practice today, Vik had asked why go if he didn’t want to and Simon glared at Ethan warning him not to say anything. Ethan had just shrugged.

“Thinking about jointing the footie team. If I watch, I have a better chance for next year.” He said, winking at Simon when Vik averted his attention elsewhere. 

“You can’t join the team next year, we’re graduating.” Vik said, looking at Ethan confused.

Simon snorted calling Ethan a mong. 

“I know!” Ethan said, ignoring Vik’s comment, “You should come with us tonight!” He smirked at Simon.

“I dunno.” Vik had said, shrugging.

“No, Vikram, you are coming with us and you’re going to like it.” Ethan said poking him in the shoulder.

He eventually nodded, “Alright, sure, it could help with the research paper I’m writing as well.” 

Ethan rolled his eyes, but Simon was curious.

“What’s your paper on?” He asked.

“High school dynamics. Is it predetermined how you will be in high school slash what group you will be in. Kind of the discussion of nature verses nurture and the way—“

“That’s cool, Vik, very cool, but you can stop talking now.” Ethan interrupted, walking in front of him into the classroom. Vik let out a laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.”

So here they were. Sitting once again watching the boys football team run laps up and down the field. Foreheads shining and hair slicked with sweat, Ethan was drawing a dinosaur in his notebook and Vik was typing away on his computer at an excruciating pace. And lastly Simon, sitting trying his hardest to avoid Freya’s glances towards him which were coming at him every couple of minutes. But no one seemed to notice, and he was thankful. 

“So do you guys do this often?” Vik asks, looking up from his computer and adjusting his glasses on his face. Simon feels Ethan shoot him a look, but he ignores it.

“Not really.” Simon shrugs, smirking at Ethan. Vik just laughs, paying no attention as he goes back to his writing. Occasionally glancing up at the players and cheerleaders.

“Why does that girl keep looking at you.” Vik says ten minutes later. Simon flushes and bites his lip.

“Who?” Ethan chimes in from the other side of Vik, leaning closer to the field, his eyebrows knit in confusion.

“Not you,” Vik shakes his head, “Simon.” 

Ethan snorts and Simon flushes deeper. 

“What?” Simon asks, trying his best to sound confused, but he already knows who Vik is talking about, because he has felt her eyes on him the whole practice and if he’s being honest, it’s making quite uncomfortable. 

“That girl, Freya.” Vik repeats nodding his head in her direction, “She keeps looking at you, mate.” 

Simon bites his lip, “She’s not.” He mumbles, feeling Ethan’s eyes on him. Suddenly his skin feels hot. 

“No, Simon, I think she is.” Ethan says, his voice in a teasing tone. Simon ignores him.

“Isn’t that Josh’s girlfriend?” Vik asks, taking his glasses off and cleaning them on his shirt. 

“Yeah, I think it is.” Ethan chimes in, sending another look Simon’s way.

“Well my friend, I would not want to go down that road.” Vik says, shaking his head, his eyes wandering over the field, watching the players. 

“Why not?” Simon mumbles, but he didn’t actually want an answer, he doesn’t even know why he responded. Maybe it was because he was sick of everyone thinking he couldn’t be friends with a group like them. That he couldn’t fit in. Maybe he should talk to Freya. Maybe he should hang out with the popular kids because, who the hell says he can’t? Some stupid idea about social order and group dynamics. If you ask Simon, it’s bullshit. 

“Because we’re not like them, mate.” Vik says.

“Says who.”

Ethan scoffs again, but Simon ignores him. 

“It’s all in my paper, my friend. I can send you a final copy if you want.” He shrugs, starting up his writing again.

“No thanks.” He sulks, turning away from them. He was tired of feeling invisible.

He notices Freya look at him again and this time catches his eye. She smiles as him and sends him a small wink, he smiles back. He feels Ethan’s glare on the side of his face, but he ignores him. Just turns his attention back to the football team. 

When practice ends they start gathering their things.

“Thanks for staying Vik, hope it wasn’t too boring.” Ethan says, patting him on the back. Vik smiles.

“It was fun mate, maybe I’ll start joining you guys, beats sitting in the library, it smells like spoiled milk in there.” He shudders. They wave as Vik makes his way down the parking lot and out of the grounds. Ethan had offered to give Vik a ride home, considering he didn’t have a car of his own, but Vik declined, saying it was nice and he’d rather walk. He lived pretty close, so it wasn’t a big deal. 

Simon throws his bag on his shoulder and waits at the bottom of the bleachers for Ethan, but not before he feels a finger poke his shoulder. He turns around and is met with Freya. It’s weird to think just a couple days ago she did the same thing, grabbing his wrist and all. 

“You’re dedicated.” She says, smiling once again and it sort of annoys Simon, but also interests him. 

“Yeah, I guess I am.” He smiles looking at his beat up sneakers. 

“Well, I like having you here.” She says, pushing her bag up her shoulder more. 

“I like being here.” Simon responds lamely, but Freya laughs.

“Good, I’m glad.” 

Simon’s about to respond when he feels a hand grip his shoulder, he turns and sees Ethan looking at him, eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He flicks his eyes from Simon to Freya, back to Simon.

“Ready, mate?” He asks then, still unsure of what’s going on.

“Yeah.” Simon smiles at him and waves bye to Freya who sends him another one of her million dollar smiles. When they get to Ethan’s car he turns to face him.

“Since when the fuck are you and Freya Matthews friends?” He asks him incredulously. 

Simon just shrugs, putting on his seatbelt and rolling down the window.

“Don’t just shrug at me, Mini, tell me.” He says. 

“We’re not friends.” 

“Oh, it sure looked like you were friends. ‘I like having you here’.” He mimics Freya’s high voice and Simon can’t help but giggle at how ridiculous he sounds. 

“She talked to me some the day I forgot my jacket.” He shrugs. “Not a big deal.” 

“So you like Freya now?” He asks, turning onto Parkland Avenue.

“No.” And Simon almost wants to laugh because talking to Freya makes him feel closer to Josh and that’s actually the only place he wants to be.

“If I talk to Freya and become friends, maybe I can talk to Josh too.” He admits, shrugging.

“So you’re using Freya to get to her boyfriend. Sounds a bit fucked mate.” 

“Yeah, well no one said I wasn’t fucked.”

“Amen to that.” Ethan says, turning on the radio as they assume their normal positions. Laughing and singing and acting like idiots. Simon gets out of the car and waves to Ethan, greeting Ben and his mum when he gets home. It’s the same old same old. His mum asks him how homework club was and Alan ignores his existence. 

Later that night he gets a message from Freya on Facebook. 

_Hey Simon, I hope this isn’t weird, but I told you to text me, then I realized that you didn't even have my number. Lol. Silly me. So anyway, just wanted to let you know you can hit me up whenever. Freya :)_

Attached is her phone number. Simon stares at it for a moment before plugging it into his phone. He texts her letting her know he got her message. She sends back the emoji that’s blowing a kiss. He smiles, actually happy to be making new friends besides just Ethan and Vik. Don’t get him wrong he loves them and would do anything for them, but there’s nothing wrong with talking to new people. Maybe if Simon gets close enough to them, Ethan and Vik can join as well. They talked longer than Simon thought. Eventually it was becoming harder and harder for Simon to keep his eyes open long enough to respond. He sent her a goodnight text and fell asleep before Freya could even respond. 

The rest of the week goes on pretty much how it always does. Vik gets an A on his paper and the footie team wins their first game of the season, Simon didn’t go however because his mum insisted they visited Simon’s grandmother that day. It was safe to say Simon was pretty upset about that, but Ethan thought that it was the universe’s way of saying that him and Josh can never connect. Whatever. 

He spends the rest of his weekend watching movies with Ethan and hanging out at old record stores around town. Simon was kind of a sucker for music, it was definitely a passion of his even though his voice was awful. Freya texted him after the game asking why he wasn’t there. He explained to her the grandma situation and she sent back three frowny faces. He quickly learned that Freya was semi-obsessed with using emojis after every message. It was kind of endearing though, and it fit her quite nicely. 

+++

It isn’t long before Monday rolls around again and Simon hits the snooze button on his alarm for the second time. He didn’t go to bed until 3:30. Curse his night owl habits, but it wasn’t his fault, he was actually up all night reading Vik’s paper that he ended up sending him after all. It was all about high school social order and it was actually quite insightful and Simon got a feeling in his stomach that Freya may be talking to him as a joke and her and Josh are laughing and talking about him behind his back. That kept him up for an extra hour. Finally after the third time his alarm rings he pulls his tired limbs off his soft mattress and makes his way into the bathroom, forcing himself to take a shower and look semi-decent for the day. He has the car today and stops and gets him and Ethan a coffee before school, promising to meet him in the front lot. When he pulls up he slings his bag around his shoulder and looks around for Ethan, he doesn’t spot him so instead he makes his way to his locker, figuring he’d just go and give Ethan his coffee during home room. He grabs his books for his first period class and closes his locker, when he does he comes face to face with Freya.

“Good Morning, love.” She says smiling at him. “Is this for me?” She tilts her head and grabs the coffee out of Simon’s hands and takes a drink, she makes a nasty face. 

“What is this?” She asks. 

“Just black coffee,” Simon shrugs, “It was for Ethan, but…” 

Freya laughs, “Why on earth would any one want to drink straight black coffee? That’s gross.” 

Simon laughs easily and when he thinks about it, she’s right. He never did understand Ethan’s love for coffee. 

“You can have mine.” Simon says, handing her his tea with milk and sugar. She gladly accepts it and takes a small sip.

“Ah, much better, thanks Si.” She smiles at him again. “You smell really nice today, by the way.” She says a moment later.

“Um, thanks.” He says, feeling his cheeks heat up. He watches as she bites her lip.

“Who are you sitting with at lunch today?” She asks and Simon almost wants to laugh. As if he has different seating options everyday. 

“Probably Ethan and Vik… Like every day.” He says back a small smirk forming on his lips.

“Well you can sit by me, if you want.” She shrugs and Simon pauses for a minute watching as she nervously slides her eyes over him.  He wants to say yes because there was a huge chance that Josh would be there as well, but there was one problem… Ethan. What was he supposed to do? Just ditch his best friend.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to leave Ethan all by himself.” He says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

Freya’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “You said he was sitting by Vince.” 

“Uh, it’s Vik, and yeah but still, Ethan’s my mate I can’t ditch him.” Simon shrugs and for the first time he sees Freya actually frown. 

“Alright then, how about come over to my house this Friday then? I’m having a few people over because my parents are going out of town. I’d really love it if you came.” She grabs his upper arm and gives it a gentle squeeze. 

“Freya.” A voice says then and Freya turns to look over Simon's shoulder and her smile widens. He turns and immediately a blush forms on his cheeks and his palms start to sweat. Josh. He swallows and watches as he walks over towards them. Eyes lighter than ever, a burgundy sweatshirt thrown on loosely, making him look even softer, paired with a pair of black skinny jeans. This was the closest Simon’s ever been to him and he’s so close, so so close.

“Josh!” Freya says happily moving away from Simon slightly and over to him, leaning into him. He smiles at her then slides his eyes over the other boy.

“Alright mate?” He asks, smiling softly. 

“Ye- Yeah, all good, you?” Simon says back trying to stop his voice from shaking. God he’s weak. 

“Yeah, good.” He says back evenly his eyes intently boring into Simon's and he starts to grow uncomfortable. 

“I was just telling Simon he should join us on Friday.” Freya says happily, smiling at him. 

Josh is quiet for a moment before smiling at Freya. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that,” He then averts his gaze to Simon. “Course you can come mate, it’ll be fun.” He says, smile tight and eyes still starring intently into Simon’s.

“I should go find Ethan.” Simon says a moment later, holding Ethan’s coffee in the air, using that as his excuse, he knows the coffee is cold by now though.

“Of course! I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” Freya says giving his arm one last squeeze. All he does in nod and tries to swallow, his voice too dry for him to continue talking. 

“Goodbye Simon.” Josh says then as he turns and throws his arm around Freya walking her down the hallway. Simon watches as they disappear into a sea of students. Josh’s deep voice engraves itself into Simon’s mind noting over and over the way he said his name. After standing there for a couple more seconds he throws his bag over his shoulder and makes his way into homeroom. He walks in and takes a seat in the back, hoping to not be noticed… He never is. 

+++

Finally it’s lunchtime, but Simon is still thinking about Josh. He is thinking about his eyes and his burgundy sweater and his lips… especially his lips. He got yelled at twice in English for completely zoning out, missing two questions the teacher threw at him, threatening to send him to the dean if he didn’t stop daydreaming, but he couldn’t help it, honestly. It wasn’t his fault that somehow he managed his way into a group with the most popular girl in school and it also wasn’t his fault that he was hopelessly in love with the most attractive boy in school who just so happened to be dating the most popular girl. This was all too confusing. Ethan must have noticed something different about Simon by the way he, a little too harshly, slammed his lunch tray on their table that was located off to the side by the bins. Simon avoids his lingering gaze as he shoves a fry into his mouth.

“Alright, mate?” Ethan asks, grabbing one of Simon’s fries without hesitation.

“Yeah mate, all good.” Simon mumbles shoving three more fries in his mouth, he figured if he was too busy eating he wouldn’t have to talk but he knew that Ethan would eventually find out about the small “get together” and he would be pissed if Simon didn’t tell him, but telling Ethan did not seem like the answer because its obvious how Ethan feels about the fact that Simon and Freya are friends. He sighs and turns to Ethan knowing it would be better to tell him now then have him scold him about it later.

"So, Ethan.” He clears his throat.

Ethan looks up from his lunch and smiles softly at his best friend, “Yes, Simon?” 

“I’m hanging out with Freya this weekend.” Simon says softly, his voice barely over a whisper. 

Ethan’s eyes grow confused. “Why the bloody hell are you doing that?” He asks.

“She asked me, what was I supposed to say? No?”

“Yes, Simon, that is exactly what you say, these people aren’t your friends, you are just going to get hurt.” Ethan whisper shouts at him and Simon bites his lip.

“I don’t think so E, I think Freya actually wants to be my friend.” 

“No, she doesn’t. I know I sound like a ginormous prick, but they are just going to make fun of you.” 

Simon swallows harshly and feels a tightening in his chest and anger at Ethan. 

“Why is it so bloody hard to believe that someone wants to be my friend?”

“It’s not that, Si, it’s the fact that it’s Freya, did I ever tell you what she did to Cara Hartfield in fifth grade.” 

Simon shakes his head, he didn’t even know who the hell Cara Hartfield was.

“Someone said Cara had prettier hair than Freya, which she did, it was golden blond and always smelt like strawberries and she sat right in front of Freya in math class and one day Freya took a pair of scissors and cut Cara’s hair to the scalp. Cara went home crying and when she came back everyone made fun of her hair, she ended up transferring schools because of her. She’s evil.”

“That was in fifth grade Ethan, I’m sure you did stupid shit in fifth grade that you regret.” 

“Yeah, but I never forced someone to change schools.” He mumbles.

Simon sighs and turns back to his lunch.

“I’m sorry.” He hears Ethan mumble a moment later. 

“It’s alright.” Simon says quietly.

“You know it’s because I care about you, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I know, thanks Ethan.” He says.

“Hey guys,” Vik’s voice says a moment later as he slides into the chair next to Ethan. No one responds and Vik grows quiet.

“Ookay, everything good?” He asks, opening his milk.

“Yes, Vik, everything is just fine.” Simon says quietly. 

He knows Ethan has good intentions and maybe he was just being selfish but he was going to Freya's, not only for Josh, but to prove Ethan wrong. 

 +++

Friday rolls around and the anxiety Simon has been feeling all week has hit an all time high and he actually feels as if he might be sick. The party was  20 minutes away and he was still staring at his closet wondering what the hell he was going to wear. Just be cool Simon, he reminds himself pulling out a nice shirt and some jeans, this is good, keeping it casual. He walks over to the mirror and runs his hand through his hair a couple times and leaves without any more hesitation, ignoring the pulling in his gut as Ethan’s words ring repeatedly in his head.  _They are just going to make fun of you._ But Freya wouldn’t do that? Would she? The story of Cara Hartfield plays over in his mind. Cut her hair to the scalp. She transferred schools. Shut up Simon, it’s fine alright? 

He gets Freya’s address and 15 minutes later he pulls up to her huge house. He wipes his sweaty palms on the back of his jeans and gets out of the car. A burst of thunder shakes through the trees and Simon jumps, pulling his jacket tighter around his frame. He knocks on the door and Freya answers, a smile playing on her lips. 

“Simon! So glad you came.” She pulls him into a hug and guides him through the house, then leads him outside, Simon’s eyes fall straight to Josh, who is now, instead of a burgundy sweater in a gray one. Two other girls and guys are there. Simon recognizes them but doesn’t remember their names. There is a fire going on in the middle of them and they are all wrapped up in blankets, a beer in each hand. 

“Come sit.” Freya says coming up behind him. "Here.” She says handing Simon a beer and a blanket. “This is Allison, Amber, Brett, and Cody.” She says, introducing the others. They smile softly, Amber lets out a small giggle under her breath.

“Nice to meet you.” He says softly, grabbing the beer and taking a small sip. It tasted fine; he just didn’t want to drink if he was driving home.  He watches as everyone else in the group goes on talking and laughing paying him no attention.

“Having fun?” Freya asks, just as another burst of thunder rattled through the sky. He nods and takes another small sip, noticing Josh’s eyes on him. Whenever Simon looks up, however, Josh slides his eyes away.

“Yeah, thanks again for inviting me.” He says, hearing once again thunder. “Uhh, I think it’s going to rain soon.” 

Freya looks up into the night sky as if she didn’t even think of that. “Yeah, maybe.” She then grabs Simon’s hand in her own and he visibly jumps.

“Did I scare you?” She raises her eyebrow as the other people in the group laugh. They were all watching him and it made him extremely uncomfortable. He suddenly got a dark feeling in his gut and Ethan pops into his mind. He looks at Josh again who was staring at his beer label, pretending to be very interested in what it had to say. Simon removes his hand slowly and grips the bottle, averting his eyes to the fire.

“Let’s play a game.” She says then and gets excited responses from the rest of the group.

“What game?” Simon mumbles. 

“It’s called Never Have I Ever, have you heard of it?” 

Simon shrugs.

“Basically we put  five fingers up and we go around saying things we’ve never done, but if you have done it, you put one finger down, the person at the end with fingers still up wins, sound simple?" 

Simon vaguely remembers him and Ethan playing a couple years ago but Ethan rage quit, stating he did too many things and that Simon would win every time.

Everyone nods and scoots in closer, tossing their beers aside and putting their fingers up.

“I don’t want to play.” Josh mumbles and Freya shoots him a dirty look.

“Whatever, party pooper.” Freya rolls her eyes. “I’ll go first,” She clears her throat, “never have I ever broken a bone, simple enough” She smiles.

Everyone else puts a finger down, except for Simon and Freya smiles with victory. “Okay, Simon, you go.” 

Simon swallows and racks his brain for a good question, “Never have I ever…stolen something?”

This time everyone put a finger down again and Simon’s jaw drops a little. He never would have taken Freya to be a thief. They go around again and Simon still has all 5 fingers up. It goes around to Freya again.

“Never have I ever… had a crush on someone who was taken.”

Simon freezes as Freya sends him a smirk. He panics. She knows, she so fucking knows, just the way she was smirking at him. He turns beat red. No one else puts a finger down.

“Well go on Simon, put your finger down.” 

He chuckles softly, “I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?” She tilts her head to the side and squints at him. “It’s quite simple, never have I ever had a crush on someone who was taken.” She repeats and Simon looks to the others who are smirking as well. More thunder rumbles louder and the storm is growing closer.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Josh says then, clearing his throat and making his way into the house. Simon’s stomach turns. 

“Can we just get this over with already?” One of the guys, Cody? Says standing and walking over to Freya who stands as well. Simon jumps up and backs away. 

“Get what over with?” The guy laughs and lunges for Simon grabbing him. Immediately Simon starts struggling against him, kicking his feet and trying to free his arms. The other boy comes over and joins him. They’re both stronger and bigger then Simon and he is defenseless. Josh. Where the hell is Josh during all of this. Simon can’t see him being part of this, he seemed kind, but he was just like the rest of them. The other girls and Freya then walk over to him and laugh.

“You look a little warm there Simon, here take that sweater off.” They start tugging the jacket and shirt off Simon’s head leaving him there shirtless.

“Freya.” He says quietly, trying to meet her eyes, but she is too busy laughing and tugging on his loose clothing. They then grab his legs and tug off his shoes and socks. Thunder strikes again as Simon feels a rain drop hit his bare chest. He then feels the button of his jeans being tugged loose and slipped around his thighs to his ankles. He sees them toss his keys, wallet, and phone into the grass. Thankfully they leave his boxers on, but they barely cover anything and he feels exposed and embarrassed. He feels tears springing in his eyes. The girls gather his clothes and make their way inside. The guys then carry him into the grass and push him down to the ground. His knee hits the hard floor and pain shoots through his body. He grips it in pain and cries out.

“Fuck you.” The rain is coming down harder now making him shiver almost uncontrollably. They make their way inside and lock the door behind them. Simon lay in the grass for a moment before he stands and walks over to the window where they are all standing watching him and laughing. One of the girls has her phone out. Simon’s eyes wander over slowly to Josh who has made his way back, standing next to Freya looking at him, his expression unreadable. Simon is visibly crying now and has a mud stain on his knee. He keeps his eyes locked with Josh for a good 15 seconds, neither of them looking away, neither of them blinking. Simon slowly shakes his head and tries not to let his anger get the best of him. He could kill him. He could kill all of them right now. He is more than angry, he’s furious. With a clenched jaw he makes his way out of the back yard and onto the front lot, the rain is now pouring and Simon is soaked, his hair clinging to his forehead. He gets into his car and blasts the heat, but not before leaning his head on the stirring wheel and crying. Stupid, he’s so stupid. With shaky hands he puts his car in drive and goes to the only place he knows.

“Bloody hell Simon, what happened to you?” Ethan asks when he opens the door to a dripping wet shivering Simon.

“Ethan.” He mumbles, “I should have listened to you.” 

“Get in here.” Ethan says pulling him in and leading him to the bathroom. He grabs him a towel and throws it around his shoulders. 

“Lets get you some dry clothes,” He says trudging him to his room and pulling out a fresh pair of boxers, along with a shirt and sweatpants. Once Simon is dried off and dressed Ethan puts some tea on.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened.” 

Simon puts his head in his hands and lets the embarrassment take over him. He feels so stupid. “Freya.” he mumbles.

“Yeah, what did she do?” 

“And Josh.” He mumbles again, his voice muffled from his hand.

 “What did they do?” Ethan corrects.

Simon takes a deep breath and tells Ethan everything, by the end he is crying again.

“Why am I so fucking stupid Ethan? I should have known, god, I should have known better then to trust them.” He shakes his head.

“Those fucking assholes, I outta go over there right now and bash Bradley’s face in. He just stood there? And watched you?”

Simon nods. “He knew what she had planned, he left to go to the bathroom because he probably felt bad, the fucking prick.”

“This is not okay, I swear next time I see him, I’m gonna teach him a lesson I swear to God.” 

“I hate him.” Simon says then, standing. “I hate him so much, why the hell did I ever like such a… a bastard. That’s what he is, he’s a bastard and I hate him. God I hate him so fucking much I just wanna—“ Suddenly he is shaking so badly he can’t stop. The thought that he ever liked Josh makes him feel sick to his stomach. That he looked at him like he was the moon surrounded by the stars. The way he occupied his mind almost every second. It hurts because he actually saw good in him. He really wanted Josh to be different than all of the other people in his life, he wanted him to be pure.

“Simon, it’s okay.” Ethan gets up and walks over to him, putting an arm around his shoulder and sitting him back down on the kitchen stool gently. He is crying again softly, leaning into Ethan and crying into his chest. 

“I’m sorry Ethan, I’m sorry I was a dick to you and made you go to every football practice, I’m sorry.”

“Shhh, it’s okay, Mini, it’s okay.”

Eventually Simon calms down and is left with more anger than anything.

“Hey,” Ethan says, gripping Simon’s shoulders and smiling down at him, “wanna go play a game of FIFA? You can slide tackle and injure as many players as you want. How does that sound?” 

Simon smiles, “That sounds good Ethan. Thanks.” They make their way to Ethan’s basement and start a game. As the night progresses Simon starts feeling better, the only problem is he is going to have face them at school on Monday. Maybe he can just fake being sick.

+++

“But mum really, just take my temperature again, yeah?” Simon mumbles Monday morning gripping his stomach and moaning in pain, but his mum wasn’t buying it. 

“Simon, you were fine all weekend, you were with Ethan, I don’t understand how this just happens over night, plus you haven’t vomited, so you need to go to school.”

“But I’m so sick mum, honest.” His mum takes his temperature again but it comes out the same as before.

“I’m sorry love, you know my rule, if there isn’t a fever you have to go. Plus if you miss too many days you lose your scholarship.” 

“I’ve only missed one bloody day, I had strep.” He complains.

“Simon Edward Minter, if you do not get up, I am getting Alan.” 

Simon rolls his eyes but pushes the covers off and stands, “I’m up mum, see. All better.” 

“Good boy, I love you.” She says, giving him a kiss on the cheek as she makes her way out of his room. He sends a text to Ethan.

_Simon: Plan didn’t work, still need a ride to school_

_Ethan: Boo :P_

Ethan pulls up around the same time as always and Simon climbs in, resting his head against the window and closing his eyes, he actually does feel sick if that helps his case at all. Like he might actually vomit any second. He tells Ethan this and he tells him he better not get one drop of vomit in his car or else he would be walking from now on. When they pull up to school Simon’s stomach sinks lower in his body and he swallows loudly.

“Calm down, Si, I’m there if you need me, if Josh so much as looks at you, I’ll kick his teeth in.”

“Little violent Ethan, don’t you think."

“Personally, I don’t think it’s violent enough."

They get out the car and make their way in the building. Simon tries to ignore the tightness in his chest as he walks over to his locker. Ethan passes him down the hallway to make his way to his own locker, but not before giving him a reassuring shoulder squeeze. After a couple classes, he makes it to calculus. Around twenty minutes in, he asks for a pass for the bathroom. He was feeling quite suffocated in there, especially because Freya was in that class and every time she looked at him she would start to fake shiver at him.

He wanders the hallway for a bit just relaxing and taking his time to pass the time before the bell rings for lunch. He bends down to take drink from the water fountain when he suddenly feels a tap on his shoulder, thinking it was Ethan or a teacher he turns with a smile, but it is soon replaced with horror as Josh is right behind him, looking at him blankly. Simon wipes the water from his mouth with the back of his hand and goes to brush past him when Josh grabs his arm.

“Don’t touch me.” Simon hisses, jerking his arm away.

“Sorry, mate, jeez.” He says, standing there awkwardly.

“What do you want?” Simon asks, wanting to hit the smirk off of Josh’s stupid face, but also wanting to grab him and shove him against the locker and tear his stupid sweater off him and bruise his soft skin.

“I came to apologize.” 

“Little late, thanks.” Simon says, trying to push past him again when Josh grabs him once more. 

“Don’t touch me.” He mumbles, but stays this time to hear what Josh has to say.

“It was stupid okay, and I’m sorry.”

“Awesome, are we done?” 

“God, you are such a drama queen.” Josh scoffs, and Simon openly gawks at him, mostly because he’s never heard Josh speak more than three words, let alone be so sassy.  

“Me? A drama queen?” Simon asks.

“Yes, you, it was just a harmless prank.” 

“Harmless? I could have gotten pneumonia.” Simon says, anger growing inside of him.

“See,” Josh says raising his eyebrows, “drama queen.” 

“Fuck you, you did nothing but stand there and watch me.”

“I wanted to tell them to stop, you know.”

“Why didn’t you then?” Simon crosses his arms over his chest as Josh’s lips form into a frown.

“I don’t know.” He mumbles, but that just makes Simon angrier.

“I’ll tell you why, because you were afraid.”

Josh scoffs, “I wasn’t afraid.” 

“Yes you were, you wanted to tell them to stop but you didn’t because you didn’t want them to make fun of you. You’re a coward, and I see that now.” Simon says. 

“Fuck you, you don’t know me.” Simon is taken back some, he’s never seen Josh mad before, if he’s being honest Josh seems too quiet for his own good. Simon likes seeing him angry. He wants to make Josh angry.

“No fuck you,” Simon says, taking a step closer to him, “you don’t know me, yet you stripped me, stole my clothes, and locked me out in the pouring rain and you’re going to make this all about you? Boo fucking hoo, Josh.” 

“That wasn’t me.” 

“You were there, that makes it your fault too.” 

Josh scoffs, “You were so easy though. The light in your eyes when Freya made you feel special, it was cute. The little crush you had on her.” 

Simon is completely taken aback by that statement. Josh thinks Simon likes Freya. “Shut up.” 

“Why? I think its hilarious, did you think she was gonna fuck you or something? Is that what you thought? That she’d leave me and you and her would run off into the sunset together?” 

Simon doesn’t know he pushes him until Josh stumbles backwards and gasps. Suddenly Josh is lunging at him and pinning him to the ground. He got one good punch in before Simon shoves him off and tackles him back, both of them falling hard. He feels Josh clawing at his neck as he struggles to keep Josh down, without knowing what he was doing he feels his fist connect with Josh’s lip, his knuckles throbbing from the contact with the other boy's jaw. Suddenly a hand grips Simon and pulls him off, tugging him off the side by the lockers as another teacher grabs Josh, separating the boys.

“Fuck you.” Josh spats at Simon, blood trickling down his mouth. Simon wipes his throbbing nose to find a streak of crimson appear on his hand. 

“Both of you, to the dean, now.” One of Simon’s teachers, Mr. Reynolds says, walking over and grabbing Josh from the other teacher. Mr. Reynolds gives them both a shove and they make their way up stairs to the deans' office. Simon is fuming and his knuckle is sore and he’s pretty sure his nose is broken. Josh is breathing heavily beside him and Simon can feel his body heat radiating off him. Mr. Reynolds opens the door to deans’ office and shoves them both inside. Dean Lockwood is sitting behind his desk doing paper work, when the boys come in he slips his glasses off and raises his eyebrows at the sweaty bleeding boys. He sighs deeply and crosses his hands as if he’s praying.

“Mr. Reynolds,” he nods, “I’ve got it from here, thank you.” 

He leaves, closing the door behind him, leaving just the boys and the dean. Simon and Josh remain silent.

“Now. Take a seat.” He says, nodding to the chairs directly behind where they are standing. They sit and Simon is still fuming, wishing he could have gotten another good punch in before being dragged off.

“I don’t think I have to ask you boys what happened, because by the looks of it you two got into a pretty dirty fight, but it is my job to hear both sides, so Simon, why don’t you start.”

Josh scoffs beside him.

“I was just getting a drink of water and using the toilet when  _he_ comes up behind me and starts accusing me of things and assaulting me—“

“Bullshit, you shoved me first,”

“Well it wouldn’t have happened if you would’ve let me leave, you kept grabbing my arm and—“

“Gentlemen.” Dean Lockwood says loudly, making the boys fall silent. “Mr. Bradley, did I say it was your turn? Because I was pretty sure I was asking Mr. Minter his side, you will have a turn to speak as well, if you cooperate with my rules.” Josh lets out a sigh and slumps deeper in the chair. 

“Thank you.” Simon says and clears his throat. “So like I was saying, I was just getting a drink of water and he comes up behind me and starts accusing me of things and would not let me leave, kept grabbing my arm and blocking my path,” Simon hears Josh scoff besides him. “Yes, I shoved him first, but it was self defense.” 

“Self defense?” Josh asks incredulously. 

“This is your last warning.” He stares at Josh for a moment before turning to Simon, “Now, Simon, you said he was accusing you, of what?” 

“He said I was trying to get with his girlfriend, which I wasn’t.” 

Dean Lockwood nods the turns to Josh, “Now, Mr. Bradley, you may speak.”

“Great,” He smiles sarcastically, “I saw Simon getting a drink of water and frankly I thought we were friends so when I came to say hi and ask him about his weekend, and he started getting physical with me, I fought back, but like he said, he started it so it’s his fault.” 

“That’s not true—“ Simon interrupts, his hands forming into fists and he clenches his jaw.

“I’ve heard enough. Now you Simon, you know you are on scholarship and something like this could very well take it away.”

Suddenly Simon stops caring about Josh or the prank and instantly thinks of his mum. She would be devastated… no, she would be livid. 

“Please, Mr. Lockwood, I’m sorry, I’ll do anything, honestly.” He feels Josh slide his eyes over to him.

“If this happens again Mr. Minter you will lose your scholarship, is that clear?” 

“Yes, sir, it will never happen again, I promise.” He says and he means it. 

“I certainly hope not,” He says and is quiet for a moment as if he is thinking, “For your punishment, you will serve detention after school for three weeks. At three o’clock you will report to the cafeteria for a mop and a broom and you will clean the whole cafeteria and kitchen, that includes floors, tables, sinks, counters, taking out the trash, and scraping gum from underneath the tables, you get off at 5:30, but that’s only if you two do a good job, understand?” 

“I can’t.” Josh says, his head shooting up, “I have football practice.”

“Looks like you’re missing a few practices.”

“A few? I’m missing three weeks worth, we’re trying to win championships this year, I can’t not go.”

“I will talk to your coach myself, and if you have a problem with my disciplinary techniques I can always make it four weeks, or if you really want I can personally take you off the team, is that what you want?” 

Josh sighs and shakes his head, “No, sir.” 

“Good then it’s settled. Three weeks, cafeteria, 3 to 5:30. Is that clear?"

“Yes sir.” Simon says.

“Bradley?” Dean shoots him a warning look.

“Yes sir.” Josh mumbles after. 

“Good, you start today, I look forward to seeing you gentlemen work together, now get to class and I better not hear of any more trouble from you two today got it?” They nod and make their way out of the office. 

“Thanks a lot drama queen.” Josh scoffs as he pushes past Simon on the stairs. Simon makes his way to the bathroom and starts cleaning the dried blood off his face. The bell finally rings and he meets Ethan at the lunch table. When Ethan sees him he stands up and cups his hands around his mouth.

 “Simon fucking Minter get over here now.” He shouts. 

“What Ethan?” Simon mumbles slumping down on the table and resting his head on his hands. His nose still burns like hell and he’s got a migraine, and to top it all off he gets to start scrubbing floors with none other than Josh Bradley. Literally fuck his life. 

“Is it true?” 

“What?”

“Don’t fucking play dumb with me, you and Josh got into a fight and were both called to the deans office? It’s all anybody’s been talking about. I bloody texted you fifty times. Look at everyone looking at you Simon, it’s like you’re famous.”

“Awesome, now will you shut up please? My head is pounding and I have detention after school.” 

“Detention, for how long?”

“Three weeks.” He mumbles.

“Shit, mate.” Ethan says sitting down. “What about the football practices.” 

Simon sits up and lets out a sarcastic laugh, as if he’d be going to any more of those, “Josh doesn’t get to go to football anymore, because he has detention as well.”

“Wait hold up, he has detention with you?” Ethan asks incredulously. 

“Yes.” Simon mumbles, putting his head back down, he really needs some ice for his nose.

“Ohh I bet he is pissed!” Ethan laughs, “I’m so proud of you Mini.”

“Mmhmm.” Is all Simon can mumble, his head is throbbing worse than a hangover. 

“Let Ethan look at your face.” Ethan says, lightly gripping Simon’s chin in his hands and turns his head to the side to inspect it. Simon winces as Ethan lightly ghosts his finger over his bruising nose. 

“It’s not broken.” He says, letting go of his face. “It’s not so fun is it?” He scoffs, taking a scoop of mashed potatoes and holding it up to Simon. “You want?”

Simon shakes his head and shoves the spoon away.

“Well you’re gonna have a gnarly bruise, that’s for sure, mate.” 

“Em gering tew kl mslf.” Simon mumbles, his voice muffled as he buries his head in his arms once again.

“What did you say?” Ethan chuckles.

He sits up and winces again, “I said I’m going to kill myself.” 

Ethan throws his arm around Simon’s shoulder. “Oh cheer up pal, you’re a real man now, you’ve been punched. Speaking of, did you get any good hits off him.” 

That is the first thing that makes Simon smile all day. He holds out his knuckles for Ethan to inspect. They’re bruised and turning a dark purply color. 

“That’s my boy.” Ethan says, giving his shoulders a squeeze. “That little shit deserved it.” 

Simon gives him a small smile but winces once again. 

“So is it safe to say you’re over him?” Ethan jokes.

“I don’t think I’ve ever hated a human being as much as I hate Josh Bradley.” 

Ethan lets out a laugh, “Is it too early to say I told you so?” 

Simon flips him off, but that only makes Ethan laugh louder.

“Come on macho man, let’s go get you some ice for that bruise.” 

+++

It was extremely surprising that Simon didn’t fall asleep in his last few classes of the day. His nose was now turning a deep purply color that honestly was not flattering in the slightest. Gossip travels fast and by the time the last bell rang the whole school was talking about the fight between him and Josh. He vaguely heard the gossip as he was walking to his locker.

“I heard Simon broke Josh’s collar bone.”

“No I heard Josh slammed Simon's face against a locker so hard he lost a tooth.”

None of the gossip made the slightest of sense considering they were both still at school and going to class. They really should have been suspended or at least sent to the school nurse but I guess Dean Lockwood was in a good mood, to be fair Simon always kind of fancied him. He eventually makes it to his locker and gathers his things. He throws his bag over his shoulder and makes his way into the cafeteria. Josh is already there, hunched over a dirty lunch table. When Simon walks in he raises his head, realizes it’s Simon, scowls, and puts it back down. He has a busted lip that is swollen twice it’s size. Simon chest fills with satisfaction. He walks over to the lunch table adjacent to Josh and throws his bag on it and takes a seat. His head is still killing despite getting some ice from the nurse. He does the same as Josh and leans his head on the table. A moment later he hears a loud bang. He opens his eyes and sits up. Dean Lockwood has thrown a mop on the floor in front of him. Simon looks up at him and frowns. He then looks across the room at Josh who has a mop too.

“Get up.” The boys’ rise and make their way over the center of the cafeteria followed my Dean Lockwood.

“You start with the floors, hence the mops, when you are finished, mops go in the bucket, you grab a rag and do the tables. Then you move onto the kitchen and repeat. Then take out the trash and put a new bag in, finish it off by scraping gum, understood, it’s easy. Get started.” He walks out of the cafeteria and Simon and Josh are left on their own. Simon looks around for a moment, his eyes avoiding Josh’s at all costs.

“Well don’t just stand there, drama queen, get started.” Josh grumbles, picking up his mop and dipping it into the bucket of soapy water.

Simon sighs and follows suit. They work silently, the only sound is their mops sloshing about on the floor.

“I already did that section.” Josh scoffs minutes later when they are halfway through the cafeteria floor.

“How am I supposed to know what section you did?” Simon says back evenly. 

“Maybe if you payed attention you would know that I already mopped there.” 

“Maybe if you stayed in the right direction and not get off track, I would have known.”

“Fuck this.” Josh says throwing his mop down, “I’m supposed to be at football practice, not here scrubbing away ketchup stains because you’re too sensitive to take a joke.”

Simon scoffs but continues mopping, “Maybe if you knew what the definition of a joke was, neither of us would be here, now pick up your fucking mop, because I’m not about to stay here until 7 o’clock tonight, understand? Good.” 

“Whatever.” Josh mumbles, but picks up his mop and continues. The rest of the evening goes by and they don’t speak. When 5:30 comes around they start finishing up; wringing out their mops and putting in a fresh trash bag. Mr. Lockwood comes by not much later to inspect their work.

“Not bad for the first day, you’ll start to get used to it. You boys are done for the day. You still got half an hour left of practice Bradley if you wanna make it.”

“Gee thanks.” Josh says and you can hear the sarcasm dripping from his tongue. Lockwood just smiles and tells the boys to close up, and then he’s gone again. 

Simon watches as Josh takes his practice clothes out of his bag and slips his shirt off. Simon swallows and looks away, trying not to notice the little dips in his hips. He then grabs his football and throws his bag over his shoulder. He looks genuinely sad and Simon feels a tugging in his chest that he immediately buries. No pity for Josh, he is the reason you are here, although technically wasn’t it Freya who… shut up Simon. 

“See you tomorrow?” Simon calls with fake enthusiasm. Josh flips him the finger, letting the exit door slam shut behind him. Simon starts gathering his own things and pulls out his phone to get a ride from Ethan. 

_Simon: Come pick me up? :)_

_Ethan: Can you get a ride from Josh?_

_Simon: Funny._

_Ethan: Be there in five <3_

+++

The minute Simon walks in the door he is met with a furious mum.

“Simon Edward Minter, you better get your arse in this house.” 

Simon lets out a groan and tosses his bag down in the doorway. 

“Mum it wasn’t my fault I swear.” He says, getting ready to make up a valid excuse as to why he got into a fight.

“Your face Simon, Jesus!” She grabs his face like Ethan did earlier, but much harder.

“Ow, mum—“ He groans trying to get out of her reach.

“Alan, get in here!” She calls from the doorway.

“Mum no please.”

“Be quiet.” 

Alan appears in the doorway looking extra angry today, he walks over and gives Simon’s face a peak. 

“He got into a fight?” Alan asks.

“Yes, a fist fight with another boy. Got a call, while I was at work, you know my boss hates when I use the phone. Do you know where fighting gets you Simon? It gets you kicked out with no more scholarship.”

“I know mum, I’m sorry.” 

“Getting into fights,” Alan shakes his head, “You see the kind of son you raised Laura,” He turns to Simon, “You better thank God you aren’t my kid cus’ I’d give you an even bigger bruise then that one you’ve already got.” 

Simon is slightly taken aback by the abuse threat. “Thank fuck you aren’t my father.”

“Simon.” His mum gasps. 

“Watch that mouth pal, you don’t want me as an enemy.” 

“Well I sure as hell don’t want you as a friend.” Simon grabs his stuff and pushes past them into his room. He closes the door and locks it, sliding down to the floor. His phone chimes with a text from Ethan.

_Ethan: How’d she take it?_

Simon ignores the text and slowly stands, crawling into bed and pulling the covers over his head. Now you see why Simon and Alan don’t speak. If this conversation would have happened two years ago at least two pieces of furniture would have been broken by now. Simon hates him, almost more than he hates Josh. Simon just had a lot of hate. He went to sleep without doing his homework, without eating dinner, without even leaving his room, and no one tried to get him to leave either. Sometimes Simon thinks he could rot away in here and no one would notice. Sometimes, the idea doesn’t sound that bad. 

+++

The next morning Ethan picks him up and his nose is now darker than it was yesterday. He barely slept last night and didn’t even take a proper shower. 

“You’re looking pretty rough there, mate.” Ethan says when Simon throws himself into the front seat.

“I feel rough.” He grumbles, still trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes.

“You didn’t text me back, I thought Alan killed you… speaking of Alan.”

“He told me if I was his kid he would beat the shit out of me.” 

“Isn’t that what you're not supposed to do to your kids? I’m no child psychologist but I don’t think you should teach someone not to beat someone up by beating them up.” 

“Ethan, mate.” 

“Yeah.”

“Please shut up.” 

“Got it, my bad Mini.” Ethan whispers, giving Simon a small pat on the knee.

“Bro did you shower?” He asks a minute later.

“No, why, do I stink?” Simon asks, lifting his shirtsleeve to give his armpits a sniff.

“I have deodorant in my bag, don’t worry.” Ethan assures.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Simon groans, leaning his head back against the seat. 

“I just hate him.” He says a moment later.

“Josh or Alan?” Ethan asks. 

“Both. Ugh but Alan, he has my mother totally brainwashed, she doesn’t even stick up for me anymore. All I get is silence or threats.” 

“Si, some men are just not good men,” Ethan shakes his head, “take my father for instance, cheated on my mother— Still cheats on my mother and she stays, why? I have no fucking clue.” 

“My mum deserves better.” Simon says, a frown forming on his lips.

“You’re mum loves you Simon.” Ethan replies, gripping Simon’s knee. “And I love you.” 

“Shut up Ethan.” Simon mumbles. Ethan looks over at him and winks, causing Simon to laugh genuinely for the first time in days. 

“Stop, my nose.” Simon whines and that makes them start laughing even harder. They pull up to school and Simon quickly puts on some of Ethan’s deodorant before slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“See you at 5:30.” Ethan says once they part ways at their lockers.

“See you at 5:30.” 

+++

When school ends and Simon makes his way to the cafeteria he is genuinely tired. The last thing he wants to do is scrape more gum off from underneath the nasty tables. Why can’t people be a little more respectful?

When Simon gets there, just like yesterday, Josh is already there, leaning his head against the table. When Simon walks in he lifts his head up and smirks. “Afternoon, drama queen.” 

“Whatever.” Simon mumbles tossing his stuff down and hunching into his seat with a huff. 

“Aw, tired are we?” Josh pouts from his table.

“You know, why don’t we just stick to our jobs yeah, we don’t have to talk.” 

“But talking is fun don’t you think?” He tilts his head to the side like a puppy. 

“No, I do not think talking is fun, especially not with you.” 

Josh put a hand to his heart. “I am genuinely hurt you said that.” 

Simon smirks, “That was the point.” 

“You can’t be a little bitch about it forever.” Josh shrugs.

Simon narrows his eyes, “You obviously don’t know me very well.” 

Josh opens to mouth to speak when Lockwood enters the cafeteria.

“Hello, boys, good to see you stick to schedule.” He walks over and grabs the mops from the back and brings them, handing each of the boys one just like yesterday. “You know the drill, see you at 5:30.”

Simon sighs and starts dipping his mop in the water.

“You know this can be fun.” Josh murmurs.

“You don’t listen do you?” Simon turns around. “We are not talking.” 

“Fine.” He mumbles, wetting his mop as well. They are silent as they start mopping the floors for the second day and it’s honestly not that bad. Simon doesn’t mind cleaning. He eventually gets lost in his thoughts, just keeps mopping away until he hears a faint whistling sound. He turns and notices Josh humming a little tune as he works. 

“Can you please stop?” Simon says with fake sincerity. Josh looks up at him for a moment, smirks, then continues, whistling louder than he was before.

“I can’t be asked.” Simon mumbles to himself, Josh’s enthusiasm getting on his nerves.

They continue on, wiping down tables and sinks, finding a pattern that works well. Simon washes, Josh dries and so on. 

After they finish taking out the trash they go to work on the gum, which Simon was very surprised to see that there was that much. It was genuinely disgusting. Simon is on his side scraping, when he feels something hard hit his cheek. He ignores it and continues until he feels another. He slowly turns his head and looks at Josh who is visibly trying not to laugh.

“You’re not doing what I think you’re doing.” He says calmly.

“And what is it that you think I’m doing?” Josh asks innocently.

“Throwing that nasty hard chewed up gum at my fucking face” Simon says back evenly.

“Like this?” He asks as another hits him directly in the forehead. 

Simon’s jaw drops as Josh lets out a loud cackle. 

“I’m gonna pretend you’re not, unless you wanna get me expelled.” 

“It would be pretty funny to see you get expelled so I think I’m gonna keep going. He flicks another one and it hits him in the shoulder. He throws down his scraper and stands up. Josh stands as well. 

“What are you gonna do, drama queen?” Josh asks, walking closer to him as well. They are only a couple feet away from each other and Simon can see the light freckles on Josh’s cheeks. He remembers when he thought those were the cutest thing, along with those icy eyes and dark hair, now all he wants to do is grab him, hear him beg for him to stop. 

“What do you two think you’re doing.” 

Simon stops in his tracks and turns around, Mr. Lockwood is standing with his hands on his hips. Simon looks at the clock on the wall and realizes it’s already 5:30.

“Why is there loose gum all over the floor?” He asks. Simon turns and shoots a dirty look at Josh who hides a smirk. 

“Anyone? No?” He asks again, “Well you two cannot leave until this gum is picked up.”

“I have practice though.” Josh says.

Dean Lockwood shrugs, “Sorry Joshua.”

Josh eye’s turn sad and he frowns. 

“I’ll clean it.” Simon says automatically and hates himself. 

Josh looks at him with confused eyes. 

“He can go to practice, I’ll clean the gum.” Simon shrugs, ignoring Josh’s eyes on him.

“Okay then, Mr. Bradley go ahead.” Lockwood leaves and Simon and Josh are alone again.

“Well go, you’re wasting precious practice time.” Simon rolls his eyes and starts putting the loose gum in a bucket. 

“Thanks Simon.” Josh says then quietly.

“Whatever.” He mumbles, pushing his falling hair out of his face. He glances over at Josh who is now sliding his shirt off. Simon can’t help but spot a large bruise developing along his hip bone. Did Simon do that yesterday? Damn, he did better than he thought. Josh leaves and Simon happily picks up the remaining gum. He sends a text to Ethan who comes and picks him up. 

+++

The rest of the week Simon and Josh go on mopping floors and scraping gum. There is an unspoken acknowledgment going on. They have a system and they stick to it, only speaking when necessary. Josh trying to joke around while Simon ignores him, because sadly Josh’s jokes just aren’t funny. By the time Monday rolls around Simon is actually looking forward to detention, but not because of Josh. 

For the first time Simon gets there before Josh does. He starts getting out their mops and buckets. Dean doesn’t even come around until the end anymore so they usually slack a little in the beginning. Last Thursday Josh tried to have a mop battle with him. Simon refused obviously because him and Josh are not friends. 

“Hello partner.” Josh smirks when he walks in.

“Not your partner.” Simon mumbles, not even bothering to look up from his phone. Josh walks over and grabs their mops, handing one to Simon. He rises and just like always, they dip them in the soapy suds then start scrubbing.

“Ew, I think there is an engraved hot dog in the floor.” Josh mumbles squatting down to get a better look.

“Twenty pounds if you eat it.” Simon says and he is genuinely serious, except he wouldn’t actually pay him. 

“Fuck off.” He mumbles, standing back up and scrubbing hard over the darkened spot. They continue working quietly until Josh speaks again.

“It’s weird not seeing you at my soccer practices.” He says, drying off the last table.

“You’re only there for 30 minutes, I’d hardly call it a practice.” Simon scoffs. 

“Still.” Josh mumbles.

“Yeah, well going to those practices was a waste of time.” Simon says, getting a weird tugging feeling in his chest. He ignores it.

“Why did you go then?” He asks and Simon gets that feeling again.

“Ethan wanted to watch the cheerleaders.” He says and it’s not a complete lie. 

“You’re not gonna tell me then?”

Simon puts his rag down and sits up straight, putting a hand on his hip. “Tell you what, Josh?”

“Who the cheerleader was.” Josh shrugs, “I won’t tell.”

“Oh, so are we friends now? We tell each other secrets and braid each others hair, is that it?” Simon rolls his eyes.

“You don’t have to be such a dick all the time.” 

“That’s gold coming from you.” He scoffs, but feels guilty for actually being a dick. 

“Whatever.” Josh mumbles and goes back to drying. Simon drops it. Josh is silent the rest of the hour. Lockwood comes back and Josh once again starts changing except now he has another bruise, but this time it's on his shoulder blade.  _Okay, I definitely didn’t do that one,_  Simon thinks. Maybe he injured it during football practice. He leaves and Simon closes up, fixing the mops so they sit up right. 

When he gets home his mum is still mad at him and Alan is still a ginormous dickhead. He goes into his room and locks himself up like he does every night. Isolated from the world. 

+++

“Fuck, shit, cunt, whore.” 

Simon heard the thud, but didn’t think it was Josh that made it, he turns and sees Josh laying his back, gripping his side. Simon rushes over to him. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, not knowing what to do. “Is anything broken?”

“Nothing is broken you idiot, I told you to tell me which sections you mopped. Shit.” He hisses, sitting up slowly and making his way over to a table. 

“Oh so it’s my fault.” Simon scoffs.

“Can you not argue with me for five seconds please.” Josh groans.

“Chill grandpa, you’re not dying.”

Josh shoots him a dirty look. 

“Just go get me some ice from the freezer please, I have practice.” He winces.

“Again, thirty minutes isn’t practice.” Simon announces as he makes his way to the kitchen.

“Fuck you.” Josh mumbles from behind him and Simon smirks to himself. The freezer is empty and the only thing in it is a bag of frozen peas, so he brings those.

“Gotta eat your vegetables.” Simon smirks as he tosses the bag to Josh, who, once again, shoots him a look that could kill and presses the frozen veggies against his hip. Simon sits down next to him and it is mutually decided that they are taking a break. They are silent for a moment, the only sound is Josh readjusting his “ice pack.” 

“Just tell me.” He says a moment later.

Simon raises an eyebrow at him, “Tell you what?” 

“Who was it?” 

Simon rolls his eyes, “Shut up about the fucking cheerleaders, damn.” 

“Whatever.” He readjusts again and winces in pain.

“You didn’t fall that hard, what’s your problem?” 

“Nothing, just hand me my bag.” He mumbles.

“Why?”

“I have pain reliever in there, give it to me.” 

Simon reaches over and grabs the bag, not realizing it was open. Papers and books fly everywhere, along with a few lone pencils.

“Great job, idiot.” Josh mumbles, reaching down to grab his stuff but stops as his face twists in pain. 

“I’ll get it, chill.” Simon scoffs bending down to start gathering the loose papers.

“No, don’t—“

“What are these?” Simon asks, holding up a few drawings that are actually unbelievable. He starts rustling through them as Josh tries to grab them. Simon backs up and holds them out of Josh’s grasp. He sees a lot nature and forests all sketched in pencil. One of a river and people, there is one of Freya which makes Simon gag a little, but is still super beautiful and detailed. 

“Did you draw these?” Simon asks in disbelief.

“Go ahead, make fun. Whatever.” Josh mumbles, still wincing. 

“No, they’re,” He turns to Josh and hands them to him, he snatches them away and tucks them safely under his arm, “they’re amazing.” 

Josh shakes his head, “whatever, can you just, get the rest of my shit please.” 

“Only because you said please.” Simon smirks and Josh rolls his eyes. He picks up the rest of Josh’s stuff and places it neatly inside his backpack, the clutter actually driving him insane. 

“Shit.” Josh mumbles. 

“What?”

“It’s already 5:25 and we haven’t started tables or the kitchen or the trash or the gum.” 

Simon snorts, “It’s not like you were making it to practice today anyway.” 

Josh laughs sarcastically, “Hilarious.” 

“Shut up, I’ll do the rest, just sit there, can you do that gimp?” 

“Did you just call me gimp?” Josh scoffs. 

“Sorry, would you prefer the term impaired?” 

“Why don’t you get cleaning? The gum isn’t going to scrape itself.” 

Simon narrows his eyes as Josh smirks. 

Moments later Lockwood comes in for his inspection. He makes his way around the cafeteria and kitchen, when he come back out he is frowning.

“What happened here?” He asks noticing Josh’s pea pack on his hip.

“He fell.” Simon rolls his eyes.

“He mopped in my area, so I tripped.” 

“You fell? On school property, from a wet floor?”

Josh’s eyebrows knit in confusion, “Yeah?”

“You’re not… gonna sue right? We’ve already had one lawsuit this year and we really don’t need another.”

“What? No, I’m not gonna sue the school.” 

Lockwood smiles calmly and wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “That’s a relief.” He looks around, “well, looks like you two are going to be here a little longer than expected, I’ll be back at 6:15.” 

With that he walks out of the cafeteria, “Fucking prick.” Simon mumbles, “I’m going into the kitchen, can you be trusted here alone?” 

“No dad.” He rolls his eyes and Simon hesitates before making his way into the kitchen. He doesn’t realize actually how hard this job is with just one person. By the time he is finished he’s exhausted. He cleans up and walks back out to Josh who is still sitting there, peas, which are now thawed, still sitting on his hip.

“You didn’t have to say.” Simon says, walking over and gathering his stuff. 

“Obviously.” He scoffs, standing up slowly and wincing. 

“Are you okay, to like, drive?” 

“What? Of course, jesus.” 

Simon puts his hands up defense, “Okay, my bad.” 

“Do you like, have a ride home?” Josh asks, sliding his bag slowly up his shoulder.

“Yeah, I gotta wait for Ethan though. He picks his brother up from tutoring on Tuesdays.”

“What time does his brother get done with tutoring?” Josh asks.

“6:15.”.

“So what time will he be here?”

Simon shrugs, “6:45 at the latest.” 

“Do you want a ride?” Josh asks hesitantly. 

“I would, but you’ll probably drive me off the road with your bad hip, gramps.” 

“Whatever, see you tomorrow.” Josh mumbles pushing open the door. It shuts loudly behind him and Simon sighs, wondering how the hell he got here and why the hell he likes it so much. After Josh leaves he does some last minute wiping, setting the mops of nicely for them to grab tomorrow. Minutes go by and Ethan is still nowhere to be found.

“Ethan where the hell are you?” Simon asks sternly on the phone to his best friend.

“I’m sorry Si, I’m on my way now, his tutoring session ran over and there was traffic.”

“I’ve literally been at school since 7 am Ethan, its now 7 pm, come on.” 

“I’m sorry Mini stop yelling at me, damn.”

“Just hurry the fuck up.” 

“You’re mean when you hang out with Josh.” He grumbles.

“Hanging out? What do you mean hanging out? This is not an option, this is detention, Ethan, no choices here.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, but hey wanna hear something funny?” 

“Always.”

“Josh fell today on the wet floor and acted like he broke his hip.” Simon smirks.

“Did he actually break it?” Ethan asks, sounding more excited than worried.

“No, but he had to put a bag of frozen peas on it.” Simon cackles.

“That’s bloody hilarious.” Ethan says his laugh echoing through the phone. 

“I know right.” Simon smiles looking around the dark empty cafeteria. He likes it much better without people in it. He spots something dark underneath one of the tables and does a double take. He gets up and picks up the dark fabric. He opens it up and realizes it’s one of Josh’s football T-shirts. It’s dark gray with the name Bradley number 3 written on the back of it. 

“Yo deaf boy, I said I’m bloody here.”

“Sorry Ethan, just finishing up.” 

Without thinking he shoves it in his bag, thinking he better take it before a janitor or someone turns it into the lost and found tomorrow.At least, that’s the reason he tells himself. 

+++

When Simon gets home he hears something he doesn’t usually hear. Fighting, loud fighting. He walks into the kitchen and sees his mum and Alan screaming at each other. 

“What’s going on?” He asks softly, fear taking over him.

His mum wipes her eyes and flicks the hair out of her eyes. “Tell him, tell him what you did Alan.”

“Oh, Laura for god’s sake. You’re drunk.” 

Simon spots the empty bottle of alcohol sitting on the table. 

“You’re ‘stepfather’ here, is a lying, sleazy, dirtbag of a man.” 

“What did he do?” Simon asks cautiously. 

“Tell him, Alan. Tell him how you’ve been fucking some 20 something slut you found on the Internet, huh, tell him.” She stumbles over to him and starts hitting his chest repeatedly and Simon is scared. He has never seen his mum like this before. Alan grabs her wrists and she winces.

“Let go of her.” Simon rushes over and pries Alan off of his mother, guiding her over by him.

“I think you should go.” He says as calmly as he can.

“Me? Go? Oh isn’t that just gold. Who do you think pays for this fucking house? Her? Who the fuck pays for the food you put in your ungrateful belly. Me! I do and you have the nerve to disrespect me like that? Who the fuck do you think you are? I’m good to you people and this is how you repay me.”

“Fuck you.” His mother slurs.

“Mum...” Simon whispers softly.

“Yeah, fuck you too.” Alan pushes past Simon and his mum and into the bedroom, taking a suitcase and shoving random clothes and items in it. The door then slams and they are met with nothing but silence. 

“Mum, are you okay?”

“You’re father, real father was a good man. A pure, good man.” She smiles up at Simon and pushes his hair back, “Like you.” 

Simon swallows, but can’t help the tear that slips past his eye. “It’s time for bed, okay mum?” 

She nods and allows Simon to tuck her in, he gets her a glass of water and puts on the table by the bed.

“If you feel like you’re going to be sick, call for me okay? There’s a bin by your bed.” She nods slowly but is already half asleep. Simon leaves the room crawls into his own bed, he pulls out his phone and calls the only person he can.

“Nick?” He asks when he hears a faint hello.

“Simon? Is everything okay?” 

“No,mumgotreallydrunkandAlanwassleepingwithsomewomanhefoundontheinternetandIcamehomeandtheywerescreamingandmumwastryingtohithimsohegrabbedherthenhestartedpackingupallofthethingsandsayingawfulshitthenheleft.” He feels like he can’t breathe.

“Simon, slow down, English please.” 

Simon takes a deep breath, “Mum got really drunk and Alan was talking to some woman from the internet and I came home and they were screaming and mum was trying to hit Alan so he said some mean shit, took all of our things and left.” 

“Alan did that? Where is mum now?”

“I put her to bed with water and a bin, but I don’t know what do Nick.” He mumbles and he’s crying. 

“Simon, hey listen, It’ll all be okay. You need to get some sleep, yeah? Everything will be better in the morning. I promise.”

“I miss you.” Simon sniffles wiping away his snot tears with the collar of his shirt. 

“I miss you too. I’ll come visit soon.”

“You promise?”

“I promise, but I gotta go, okay Simon. Call me in the morning, I love you.”

He sniffles again, “Love you too.” 

He hangs up and looks around his room, he spots his backpack and remembers Josh’s shirt. Without thinking he takes his shirt off and slips Josh’s on. He crawls back into bed and inhales deeply and for the strangest reason it soothes him. It smells good, like soap and laundry detergent. It smells like Josh. Before he knows it he is slipping into a deep sleep. 

+++

“You look awful.” Ethan mumbles when Simon gets into the car. His clothes are wrinkled, his hair is flat and he’s got bags under his eyes. He gets in the car and tells Ethan about what happened. 

“So he’s gone then?” 

“I hope he is.”

“Good riddance, dads suck.” 

“Amen.”

+++

When Simon enters the cafeteria he is completely done. His bones ache from crying, and he hasn’t had a real meal in days nor a real nights sleep, in fact last night was the first night he actually slept alright. Josh immediately notices when Simon walks in. He doesn’t say anything just continues to stare. Simon walks over and grabs the mops from their usual place throwing one at Josh who misses, it falls to the floor with a bang. 

Simon scoffs.

“Fuck off” Josh mumbles under his breath as he bends down to pick it up.

Simon ignores him and gets to work. The first hour goes by fast and not one of them has said a word and Simon was absolutely loving the silence, until Josh ruins it.

“Freya broke up with me last night.”

Simon freezes and glances at Josh but he’s not even looking Simon’s direction. 

“You seem gutted.” Simon remarks sarcastically. 

“Not really, she left me for Cody, the prick.” 

“Did she?” Simon says bleakly, his voice dripping with disinterest. 

Josh stops mopping and shoots Simon a look, “What’s your problem today, I thought we were done with the whole I hate you thing.” 

Simon just scoffs and keeps mopping, not bothering to look up.

“I don’t fucking get you, you act like a girl sometimes.” Josh mumbles.

“Fuck you.” 

“Oh finally, he speaks with actual emotion, its about freaking time.” 

“What do you want me to say, Josh? Congrats on your girlfriend cheating on you? Is that some sort of accomplishment, that’s pretty fucked up.”

Josh grows confused, “I didn’t say I was happy, I just said I didn’t care.” 

“Sounds like you care to me.” Simon shrugs. 

“Well, maybe now you can finally have a go at her, god knows she’d probably let you.” He mumbles, but Simon doesn’t respond mostly because he doesn’t have the energy.

“I just can’t believe her, you know? Like I put up with so much of her shit and this is how she repays me? By fucking Cody of all people, he isn’t even attractive.” Josh continues.

Simon’s had enough, he turns to Josh, “Aw you have such a difficult life don’t you? Your girlfriend cheated on you, so what? God you sound like a whining little white boy, get over yourself.”

Josh’s jaw drops a little, “Are you gonna tell me what’s up your arse.”

“You really wanna know what’s up my arse?”

Josh takes a step closer, throwing his mop down, “Yes, I do, I want to know why you think you’re so much better than me.”

Simon scoffs, “Well where do I start? I get home last night, from detention, I might add, to see my mum completely wasted and screaming at my son of a bitch stepfather who’s been cheating on her with some girl he met online. So now I have him screaming and getting physical with her and me not knowing what the hell to do. So he starts packing up all of our shit and leaves, leaving me to deal with my drunk mother who has vomit in her hair and can’t even walk properly, so Josh, continue complaining about how Freya cheated on you, please.”

When Simon is finished Josh looks at him speechless for a moment and Simon is immediately red with anger and embarrassment. He actually can’t believe he poured his life out to Josh, when Ethan is the only other person who knows about his shitty home life.

“Did he ever hit you?” Josh asks quietly and Simon is taken aback.

“No.” Simon mumbles and picks up his mop and continues on the floor. He doesn’t want to talk anymore with Josh. He has one more week of this and he isn’t about to open up and let Josh in, no matter how much he wants to ask Josh about the bruises littering his body, no matter how much he wants to kiss away the emptiness and pain behind Josh’s eyes. He can’t.

“I’m sorry he did that, Simon.” Josh says quietly a moment later.

“I know you are.” Simon says honestly, ignoring the pulling in his gut. Josh lets it go and continues. An awkwardness falls over them that didn’t before. It’s like neither of them want to speak because they are afraid of what they might say, of what might come out. The rest of the night is them jumping out of each other’s way, not getting too close. Lockwood eventually comes like he always does and dismisses the boys and once again Josh removes his shirt and like always Simon finds himself struggling to look away, but this time he openly gasps at what he sees. Josh’s ribs are streaked in purple and blue, the green bruise on his hip just now fading. Josh turns and slides his shirt on quickly, trying to shield his body from Simon.

“Do people on the footy team notice those?” Simon mumbles from his side of the cafeteria, staring down at the damp rag in front of him.

“Football is a rough sport, I get injured, they have bruises too.”

“All the way up their ribcage?” Simon asks, not wanting to pry but not being able to stop himself.

“I don’t know, Simon, I don’t spend much time staring at the footie teams bodies.”

Their eyes meet and Josh knows what Simon is thinking but won’t say.

“Okay.” Simon mumbles, not pushing it anymore because he doesn’t want to drive Josh away.

“Are you good here?” Josh asks quietly, pushing himself up and tugging his bag around his shoulder, and he visibly is trying not to wince.

“Yeah.” Simon nods, not meeting Josh’s eyes.

“See you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah.” He repeats and Josh makes his way out of the cafeteria, the door shutting with a thud.

+++

The rest of that week Josh was quiet. He only spoke when he had to and kept his distance from Simon at all costs. In the hallways if they passed each other Josh immediately averted his eyes so they wouldn’t meet Simon’s. Something changed, but neither of them wanted to bring attention to it, so they didn’t. When Friday rolled around Josh couldn’t seem to concentrate, he kept mopping over the same spots he already cleaned.

“You already mopped there you know.” Simon says from his side, keeping a distance between them.

“Sorry.” Josh mumbles and walks further up, starting a new section that Simon knows he will keep going over repeatedly just like the last.

“You seem distracted.” Simon tries. He doesn’t want to see Josh visibly upset like this. Is it sad to say he missed the days they would argue?

“I am distracted.” He says, throwing his mop down and sitting on the table closest to him. Simon haughtily walks over and joins him. Keeping a good distance in between them.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asks.

“It’s just another white boy problem.” Josh mumbles and Simon feels a ping of guilt.

“I didn’t mean that, you know.” Simon says. Josh adjusts his body so he is closer to Simon just slightly.

“I genuinely am sorry Simon, about that night, it was stupid and I should have done something to stop it.” He says, and his hand is slightly shaking.

“It’s okay, I forgive you.” And he realizes he does. Josh swallows and nods slowly.

“That’s all,” Josh mumbles, pushing himself up, “that’s all I wanted to say.” And Simon knows that isn’t true but he doesn’t push it.

“Can I ask you something.” Simon says before he can stop himself.

“Sure.” Josh nods.

“Why me?” It hurts him to say this, “Why did she pick me of all people to toy with, I never did anything to her.”

“You were easy Simon, you were eager to be her friend. She fucks with people, it’s what she does.”

Simon nods, and twists the hem of his shirt in his hand, “It wasn’t… it wasn’t you who told her to go for me, was it?” He waits for the answer to connect all the dots. Why Josh reached out and was visibly upset by what Freya did, why he didn’t join in on the prank. Why he tried to apologize. He thinks of the shirt that is sitting on the floor of his room, the shirt he wears every night.

“I may have, mentioned your name to her,” And that’s all Simon needs to hear, he nods and stands not needing anything else.

“Simon wait, I didn’t think she would actually lock you outside in the rain.”

“Naked, she locked me outside in the rain naked.”

“You weren’t naked.”

Simon shakes his head, “Close enough.” Grabbing a rag and getting to work on the tables, the sooner he got this done, the sooner he could leave.

Josh is silent and Simon has one last thing he wants to tell him.

“It wasn’t Freya, you know.” He says, finally making contact with Josh’s sad eyes.

“I know.” Josh says and he finally realizes he wasn’t there for the cheer team. He gets it. He finally gets it, and Simon wants to cry. They continue, a heavy cloud over their heads.

Josh changes for football and Simon sees the bruises again, but doesn’t push it, he already knows. Josh is silent as he grabs his football and leaves. Simon stands when he notices a piece of paper sitting on the table. He walks over and picks it up. It’s one of Josh’s drawings and it’s of Simon. He’s holding a mop with gum stuck to his clothes and hair. At the bottom of the page Josh sighed it. Simon holds it in his hands, staring until it turns blurry. His heart is so tight he feels as if his chest is going to cave in, every single feeling he felt at the beginning of the year is back and is intensified by a thousand, because at the beginning of the year he didn’t know what Josh smelt like, he didn’t know his eyes were more green then blue or that his favorite food was pasta. He didn’t know Josh could draw or that he was clumsy despite the fact he was great at football, he didn’t know Josh had so much pain inside of him.

He neatly places the paper in one of his notebook and closes it gently so he doesn’t bend the sides. He slides his backpack on and instead of sitting inside to wait for Ethan, he finds himself walking over to the football field and he gets a weird sense of déjà vu. He ignores Freya’s open glare as he makes his way over to the bleachers and sits down. Josh immediately spots him and stops running. The ball flies past him and his coach lets out a yell. That seems to pull Josh out of his daydream and he goes back to drills, but that doesn’t stop their eyes from connecting every free second Josh has. Ethan texts him not much later and he gathers his things and goes, leaving Josh searching for Simon in an empty bleacher stand.

+++

“So, how is detention going with you know who.” Ethan asks, shoving a fry in his mouth.” Monday rolled around again and they are currently sitting at lunch. It feels weird being in the cafeteria when there are people and not just him and Josh. He almost hates that there are people here. The cafeteria feels like theirs and only theirs.

“You can say his name you know.” Simon sighs, swirling his food around on his tray not feeling like eating.

“Yeah, but then I’d have to scrub my mouth out.” He laughs and chunk of food flies out of his mouth and onto the table. Simon makes a disgusting face.

“You know I have to clean that later, don’t you.” He sighs.

“Sorry mate.” Ethan says, grabbing a napkin to clean up the mess he made.

“Are you okay?” He asks a moment later, “You’ve been pouty all weekend. You didn’t even laugh when I slipped on the escalator at the mall.”

“That’s because I was embarrassed, not amused.” He deadpans even though it was sort of funny.

“I think those detentions are bringing you down, especially being with… it.” He shudders and Simon tried not to shoot him a dirty look because Ethan has no idea the inner turmoil Simon is going through. He is torn between wanting the detentions to end and wanting them to go on forever. He lets his eyes roam around the cafeteria and they land on Josh, who is sitting at the same table as Freya, laughing behind dead eyes. Apparently they are friends again, according to Freya’s post on Facebook about what an awesome time they had together this weekend. It makes Simon sick. He pushes his try away from him and sighs, trying not to let his jealously get the best of him.

“Hey, on Friday, we should throw a party, you know since you will be free.” Ethan says excitedly.

“Who would come?”

Ethan’s face falls, “Vik?”

“Vik hasn’t been eating with us in weeks.” Simon points out, looking over to where Vik is now sitting with a group of kids from his science class, smart kids.

“Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t come.” Ethan pouts.

“I guess.” Simon shrugs. He looks over at Josh again and their eyes meet. Simon immediately averts his eyes away, ignoring the glares he feels hitting him from across the cafeteria.

The lunch bell rings and they gather their things for their next couple of classes. Him and Ethan say their goodbyes and go their separate ways.

+++

“Hey,” Josh says softly when he enters the cafeteria that evening.

“Hey.” Simon replies, not bothering to look up.

Josh doesn’t say anything else, and just like they’ve done the past two weeks they get back to work. Not saying much. Simon can feel Josh’s eyes on him the whole time and it takes all of his strength to ignore him.

“Are you mad at me?” Josh asks two hours later as they are cleaning up and it’s the first word he’s said since they started.

“No, why would I be mad?” Simon mumbles, shoving his jacket on, the air was getting cooler and it wouldn’t be long before Fall rolled around.

“Just seems like you are.” Josh shrugs, pulling his football clothes on, more bruises littering his body. Simon clenches his fists.

“Actually yes, I am mad.” He says, standing.

“It’s about time,” Josh scoffs, walking over to him.

“I’m mad that you keep allowing this person to do this to you.” He says and as soon as Josh’s face falls he feels guilty.

“Simon…” His voice trails off and he turns his back to him.

“No, Josh, that’s not okay.” Simon says grabbing his arm. Josh shoves him off.

“You don’t know shit about anything.” He shouts, moving away and avoiding Simon’s shocked expression.

“I know that you are hurting.” He mumbles, coming closer to Josh.

Josh blinks a couple times and visibly swallows. His jaw clenches and he shakes his head.

“I have practice.” He says, his face falling as he brushes past Simon and out the door, once again leaving Simon alone.

+++

The next time they meet, all talk about the day before is gone and Josh actually sounds like he’s in a good mood.

Simon is wiping down the table and there is a calm between them that hasn’t been there in days. Josh is in the back room when Simon hears him call for him.

He makes his way into the kitchen but he doesn’t spot Josh.

“Josh?” He calls, and hears a faint answer from inside the pantry. He makes his way over and when he walks in he sees Josh struggling to grab a new bottle of cleaner off the top shelf.

“Can you help me?” He asks the taller boy and Simon lets out a small laugh. He makes his way into the pantry, which is quite small. He walks beside Josh and reaches his arm up to grab the bottle. He feels Josh’s breath on the back of his neck and his arm against his own. He’s almost reached to bottle when he stumbles backwards, crashing into Josh’s chest. Josh reaches out a hand and grabs Simon's arm pulling him into his embrace. He looks up at sees Josh staring intently at him, their faces inches apart. Josh still has a strong hold on his arm and is breathy heavily, his eyes searching Simon’s. He swallows and freezes when he feels Josh’s free hand travel down his side and over his hips, causing goose bumps to arise on his skin. Suddenly, as if in slow motion, Josh slides his hand under Simon’s shirt and runs his fingers over the soft skin of his belly to his chest. Simon’s lips part as he slowly closes his eyes, loving the feeling of Josh’s hands on his skin.

“Simon.” Josh mumbles softly, leaning his forehead again the other boy. His breath is warm and sweet, his hand still tracing patterns over Simon’s flesh. His hand makes it’s way lower and lower until it is ghosting over the button of his trousers, ever so slowly he dips his hand in and runs it over the forming bulge in Simon’s boxers.

“Josh.” He moans, surprised by the sudden touch, but falling into bliss as he rubs him to complete hardness.

“Don’t talk.” He responds, as he keeps touching him. Ever so slowly Simon’s moans escalate and he feels himself coming undone by Josh’s touch. He soon needs more and begins slowly grinding his hips to meet Josh’s. Josh’s hand being the only thing separating the two boys’ hips from colliding.

“Please.” He mumbles, begging for more to get him to the place he needs to be.

“You’re beautiful.” Josh whispers in his hair, picking up speed. Simon lets out a whimper. Suddenly Josh’s hand moves from the thin fabric to inside the elastic, taking all of Simon and pumping his hand. Simon’s whole body jerks at the sudden contact and he grabs the collar of Josh’s shirt, grinding his hips to meet Josh’s movement. Bliss erupts deep in the pit of Simon’s stomach and he knows he won’t last much longer. Josh is moaning softly again Simon’s ear, making it impossible to think.

“ ‘m close.” He whispers, that being the only thing he can comprehend.

“Come.” Josh whispers moments later and he is, all over Josh’s hand and his own trousers. He pants for a minute, coming down from the high as Josh removes his hand and grabs a paper towel from the shelf, cleaning himself off. Without another word he leaves the pantry leaving Simon there with flushed cheeks and soiled boxers.

Simon remains there for a moment, his brain taking in what just happened. When he leaves the pantry Josh is gone. His bag and his books... everything.

“Josh?” He calls quietly, but he knows it’s no use. Anger replaces his contentment as he grabs a scraper and gets going on the tables. How could Josh just leave him like that? When Lockwood comes to close up and asks where Josh is, Simon just mumbles bathroom and gathers his things in a hurry. Sitting around for an hour with dried come in your pants is neither fun nor comfortable. When he gets home he shoves Josh’s shirt in his bag vowing to give it back to him tomorrow. 

+++

“What the fuck.” Simon says, slamming his tray down next to Ethan the next day at school, trying to ignore the scene in front of him. Josh and Freya sitting side by side at lunch, their arms thrown around each other looking like they are the cutest couple that ever stepped foot in this school.

“Oh yeah, you didn’t hear.” Ethan mumbles, not bothering looking up.

“Hear what?” Simon sits down, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Freya and Josh are back together, yaaay.” He rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his jello.

“When did that happen?” Simon mumbles, shooting daggers at the loved up couple a few tables away. Freya is feeding Josh french fries as he giggles.

“Apparently last night after football practice. He made a big love announcement and she ran into his arms, at least that’s what a girl said in my math class.”

Simon’s stomach sinks as he feels tears prickle behind his eyes. He should have known better. He should have known yesterday was too good to be true. He can still feel Josh’s touch on his skin, and hear his soft moans on his neck.

“That’s bullshit.” Simon mumbles.

“Welcome to high school.” Ethan scoffs.

When Josh enters detention he avoids Simon’s gaze. Just grabs his mop and start cleaning. Simon keeps shooting him glares that he knows Josh can feel. He’s angry.

“So how was practice last night?” Simon mumbles, letting his jealously get the best of him.

“Fine.” Josh says, not looking up to meet his eyes.

“That’s good.” Simon says, putting his mop back and grabbing a rag, getting to work on the tables.

“Are you going to ask me how my night was?” Simon asks evenly.

Josh sighs and sits up, “How was your night Simon.”

“Not great, Josh, some asshole got me off in a supply closet then ditched me to clean the whole fucking cafeteria alone.”

Josh stays silent, staring at his feet and not saying anything. After a while he shifts his gaze to meet Simons.

“I’m sorry.”

Simon scoffs, “Sorry isn’t good enough anymore Josh, you’re always sorry.”

“What happened yesterday was a mistake.”

Simon pauses, trying not to show the sadness on his face. “A mistake?”

Josh sighs and shakes his head, “I’m not… Simon, you’re nice but.”

“No,” Simon shakes his head and turns away.

“Simon.” Josh calls, walking closer to him.

“You don’t get to do that to me, it was you that started it. It was you touching me and calling me beautiful, and sliding your hand down my pants so don’t you dare put this on me.” His hands are shaking visibly and he knows tears are forming in his eyes.

“I know.” He whispers, his eyes glossy as well. “I just,” He sighs, “I just get so lonely sometimes that I—“

“No, no Josh do not give me some sob story about how you needed contact with someone, don’t.” Simon puts his hands up so Josh can’t come any closer. A tear slips from his cheek and he angrily brushes it away.

“You know about the bruises, okay, you get it.” Josh’s voice is desperate as if he’s trying desperately to convince himself more than Simon.

“I tried to help you, but you won’t let me.” Simon shakes his head, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“Try harder.” He says, his voice so soft, Simon can barely hear it. But he does, loud and clear and it hits him. All Josh wants in life is for someone to fight for him.

“I can’t be your hero, Josh, I’m sorry.” With that Simon drops his mop and leaves. Leaves Josh there to scrub away the mess alone. His heart he forgot was even there is beating loudly in his ears, no more air in his lungs.  _This boy is made of poison_ , he thinks. Without calling Ethan, he walks. The air is cold but he doesn’t care. By the time he gets home he feels as if he doesn’t have enough oxygen in his lungs. The only thing he sees is the sadness in Josh’s eyes and the bruises along his body. A broken boy, a broken boy that wants Simon to fix him.

He looks around the house to see his mum isn’t home yet. Ben comes over as if he senses something is wrong and puts his wet nose against Simon’s legs. He smiles sadly and gives him a good ear rub before making his way into his room. Going back to old habits he opens his bag and ruffles around until he finds what he’s looking for. Slipping the t-shirt on he crawls into bed and gives it a big inhale, Josh’s scent is gone however, and now sadly, smells like Simon. His mum comes home later that evening and checks on Simon who has not left his room since he got home.

“Are you sick, baby?” She asks coming to sit next to him. She thinks he is still upset about Alan, if only she knew.

Simon nods and buries himself deeper into his bed, trying to become invisible.

“You hungry?” She asks, smoothing his hair. He shakes his head.

“Okay, love, get some sleep.” She kisses the top of his head and leaves. As soon as the door closes he starts crying, getting tears and snot all over Josh’s shirt but he doesn’t care.

+++

The next morning his mum tells him he can stay home if he wants but he doesn’t. With achy limbs he pushes himself up and takes a shower and even eats breakfast, pushing Josh to the back of his mind. Before he leaves he throws Josh’s shirt in the wash. When he gets to school he doesn’t spot Josh at his locker, and neither in their Bio class or at lunch. When school ends he makes his way to the cafeteria and waits for five minutes before realizing Josh isn’t at school. He pushes himself up and leaves the cafeteria right as Dean Lockwood enters it.

“Oh, Simon, I was just coming to talk to you.” He says, smiling down at him.

“Where is Josh?”

“Simon, you should sit.” Dean says, his face sad and serious.

“Is he dead?” Simon asks, panic rising in his chest.

Dean laughs softly, “No, Simon, he is going to be just fine.”

Simon’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, “What do you mean, just fine, what happened?”

They sit and Lockwood sighs, “Josh is in the hospital.”

Simon’s chest sinks, “What happened?”

“There was an incident at home, and he was sent to the hospital last night, you are going to be on your own these last three days, but I will stay here to supervise.”

Simon doesn’t hear the rest of what the Dean said, all he can think about it Josh, cowering in the corner, crying, waiting for a pain that never ends to be over.

“It’s his dad.” Simon says, looking up at Mr. Lockwood with red rimmed eyes.

“His dad does it.” He says louder, standing up and pacing, “you need to contact the police.”

“Simon, I need you to calm down okay, the school is handling it.”

“I want to see him.” Simon says then, gathering his things. “Do you know what hospital.”

“Simon, you have detention, go on your own time.” The Dean’s voice is quiet, and his eyes sincere.

“I need to see him now though,” By this time, he is fully crying, his words barely understandable.

“Simon.” The dean’s voice is firm. Simon stops and takes a deep breath.

“I get what you’re going through.”

Simon shakes his head and sniffles loudly.

“Me and you are a lot a like.”

Simon finally nods, understanding loud and clear. He slumps down and puts his head in his hands.

“It’s my fault.” He mumbles. “I didn’t try.”

“You can’t blame yourself.” Lockwood soothes, putting a supportive hand on his slump shoulders.

“You know what, why don’t you finish your detentions early, yeah? Consider yourself, unpunished.”

Simon looks up at him in surprise, “Are you serious?”

Lockwood smiles softly, “Yes, I’m serious.”

“Thank you,” Simon whispers.

Lockwood smiles, “You’re welcome, go home, get some sleep.” With that he stands and walks out of the cafeteria.

Simon leaves and when he gets home he goes into his room to see Josh’s shirt folded neatly on his dresser. Confused, he goes into the living room to see his mum is on the couch, Simon’s old blanket once again thrown around her.

“Mum?” He asks walking over.

“Yes dear?”

“You’re home early.”

She smiles at him, “I am.” She pats the empty seat next to her and Simon crawls into the empty space.

“Take out for dinner?” She asks.

Simon smiles and nods, grabbing some of the blanket for himself and turns to the t.v.

“Are you going to tell me who Bradley 3 is?” She asks quietly a moment later, giving him a small smile. The sound of his name makes Simon frown. He turns to his mum and she notices.

“Honey, I don’t care. In fact I already knew, though I thought it was Ethan, but—“

“No, mum it’s not that, well I mean, it sort of is, but…” He trails off.

Hid mum grabs his hand, “Honey, you can tell me anything, you know that right.”

Simon nods and takes a deep breath. “His name is Josh.”

His mum smiles at him softly, “Go on.” She encourages.

“I’ve been in detention with him.” This all feels so weird for Simon. Him and his mum haven’t had a real talk in years. “He’s in the hospital.” Simon says and it chokes him up. “His dad did it, does it.” Simon corrects. His mum’s smile turns into a frown as she shakes her head.

“Honey.” She pulls him closer. “It’s hard watching people we love get hurt.”

That takes Simon by surprise. Does Simon love Josh? “I miss him.” And it’s weird to say, but finding out that Josh was just as lonely as him made him feel less lonely. They were alone, together.

“I know you do, love, I know.” The rest of the night goes on like this, them on the couch, watching movies and actually talking and it feels good.

+++

The next couple of days at school are hard. Josh isn’t there and Freya doesn’t seem the least bit upset. Especially not when she’s sitting on Cody’s lap. He no longer has detention so him and Ethan go back to what they usually do. Watching the boys’ football team practice. Simon gets a pulling in his chest not seeing Josh laughing or joking with his teammates. He’s still in the hospital. Simon has no idea how severe or for how long. People are posting to his social media to get better but he never responds. They say the reason he’s in the hospital was a “car accident”. It made Simon angry. Ethan caught on quickly that Simon’s crush was back but he doesn’t know the whole story. On Saturday they hang out with Vik and Simon laughs for the first time in what feels like years. He always did like Vik.

Sunday rolls around and his mum was out for the day, it was pouring rain and Simon was enjoying just listening to it. Ben was laying on Simon’s lap sleeping contentedly, a movie playing on silent in front of them. The doorbell rings, making Ben jump, confused as to who is at the door Simon stands and stretches before making his way over to the door. When he opens it his heart drops. Standing there is Josh, his arm in a sling. He is wet from the rain and his clothes are hanging loosely on his thin frame. He’s lost weight.

“Josh.” Simon says, because that’s all he can.

“Can I come in?” He asks. Simon moves out of his way as he makes his way inside.

“How did you know where I live?”

“Ethan told me,” He says sheepishly. The thought of Josh tracking down Ethan to get his address makes him feel warm.

“Are you okay?” He asks, not knowing what to say, but the look of him makes Simon want to cry.

“Three cracked ribs, but I’ll live.” He shrugs.

“Here, sit down.” He says leading Josh over to the couch.

“Do you want some tea?” He asks, his motherly instincts kicking in.

Josh smiles at him, “No, I’m good, thanks.” Ben comes over and start smelling Josh and licking his hand.

“Hi, there.” Josh says, smiling and reaching his good hand out to pet him.

“That’s Ben.” Simon says, walking over and sitting next to Josh on the couch.

“Hi Ben.” Josh says, as Ben licks him even more.

“He likes you.” Simon says, smiling softly.

“He’s cute.” Josh says, “He kind of looks like you.”

“Are you saying I’m cute?” Simon asks without thinking. Josh turns to him and blushes. Simon was going to say something else with he thought of something.

“I have something of yours.” He says and Josh shoots him a confused look.

“Come on.” He says, leading him into his bedroom. Josh walks in and looks around as Simon shuts the door behind them. He then walks over to his dresser and picks up the shirt.

“Here.” He says, holding it out to him. Josh takes the shirt and smiles.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for this.”

Simon shrugs sheepishly, “Sorry.” He walks over and sits next to Josh on the bed, their knees hitting. Minutes go by of them sitting in silence.

“I was so scared.” Simon says when the silence feels like its ripping him open, his voice is just a whisper.

“Me too.”

“The thought,” Simon gets chocked up, he swallows and tries again, taking a deep breath, “the thought, of him, hurting you… killed me.” He looks into Josh’s eyes, which are tearing up as well.

“I know.” He wipes away one of Simon’s tears.

“Can I see?” He asks quietly. Josh looks at him blankly for a moment before removing his sling. Ever so slowly he lifts Josh’s shirt over his head and tosses it on the floor. For the first time he really looks at Josh’s body. Every curve, every dip, every bruise. Very slowly he lifts his hand and traces the bruises under his fingertips. Josh exhales softly, his chest rising and falling with ever breath he takes. Every so slowly, Simon leans down, pressing his lips to the bruise right below his heart. Josh softly tangles his hand in Simon’s hair and rubs his scalp. One of Simon’s tears falls and lands on Josh’s tummy, sliding down towards the curve of his hips.

“I am so sorry.” He mumbles against his flesh.

“Shhh.” Josh soothes, his eyes closed and lips parted. “Keep going.” He encourages and Simon slips his mouth lower and lower kissing along his hipbones and love handles. He moves back to his jaw, then down to his neck, slowly sinking his teeth into his flesh, making Josh hiss. He kisses along his jaw again and his earlobe, sucking slightly at the skin. He’s crying harder now, clutching on to Josh for dear life. Eventually Josh pulls away and takes Simon’s face in his hands.

He brings a finger up to his cheek and wipes away his tears, “Don’t cry, beautiful.” He whispers. His eyes shift to settle on Simon’s lips. He leans in slowly and places his lips along Simon’s, sucking lightly as the salty tears fall into them, causing Simon to taste like the ocean. They kiss like this for a while, soft and lovely, until Josh becomes hungrier, slipping his tongue inside and exploring Simon’s taste. Simon gets lost in his touch and the taste of Josh. Eventually he feels as if his head is going to explode, so he pulls away, both of them breathing heavily and slightly hard.

“Sometimes when I think about you, I feel like I cant breathe.” Josh mumbles against Simon’s lips. “I crave you.”

Simon brings his hand and entangles it in Josh’s hair, his mouth raw and rubbed from his beard. Josh kisses along his adams apple and sucks a bruise onto the side of his neck. He goes on sucking for a good minute before pulling away with a pop.

“There,” He says, admiring his work, “Now we match.”

Simon frowns at that, “But I want to give you good bruises.”

“You will, in time.” He smiles softly, pulling him closer.

“I want to help you,” Simon says then looking up at him, “I will fix you Josh, I will I swear it.”

“Shh, I know you will, love, I know.” He soothes, cradling him in his arms, making him feel safe and wanted.

“I will fix you, Josh.” he mumbles once more, tears in his eyes as he keeps repeating it over and over, until even he starts to believe it.

“I will fix you.”

 


End file.
